I have been filled lately with the intense need to create.  It has gone past just being a hobby or something to do, but actually something I need… like food, or water, or air.

The distraction creating provides is invaluable to me.  When it comes to anything in my life, I am really a hands on type of person who likes to be busy with actual work.. not busy work, not pretending that I’m busy but actual real work that has an end to its means.

I think that is why I have hated my past jobs.  I don’t think I’ve ever had one that really required some sort of actual work.  To me answering phones and typing crap into a computer is not work (not to offend anyone who does such for a job!)  I mean yes it is work, but not work that I enjoy and want to do.  I like to be occupied..not occupied but still stuck in my own little world.  I could never be a ‘behind the desk’ person for the rest of my life.

I’m digressing off my original point..but speaking of jobs… I have also decided that I hate working with money and if possible will avoid jobs in the future (as far as petty biding my time jobs go) that require me to work a cash register and crap like that.  I haven’t had to work with money in a while and it is such a relief!  First, because I am bad with math period.  The entire concept of anything past 8th grade algebra pretty much eludes me lol.  Second, well I just hate dealing with it.  Especially when working for these big ass companies who will shit a brick if a register comes up 5 cents short.  Seriously.  I can’t deal with that shit.  I hated it and will always hate it.  Call me a slacker, but it is too much damn responsibility to worry about every single penny that exchanges hands and I hate it.

Anyways back to my original point…which I have probably lost now…

Creating.  Very important.  It gives me a sense of fulfillment.  Seeing the end result is great but it is really the process which gets the juices flowing.  I’m not a person that necessarily always needs an end result.  Even if something ends not how I wanted it, I still enjoyed the process.

Speaking of which…

Knowing that I am going ahead with this photography thing… I have felt the urge to go out and take as many gorgeous images as I can but feel myself stuck in almost… a photographer’s block I guess you could call it.  Perhaps part of the reason is that I am still self conscious about pulling out my camera at any random time.  I know, it seems so silly.

Sunday I went to the park, one I don’t usually go to, for some new scenery to take some photos.  But it was so busy there that I felt a little odd snapping random photos.  I suppose this is the fact that I am a bit of a self conscious person kicking in.  It’s silly, something I need to work past.  I’m pretty sure no one would care what I was taking pictures of or really think very much about it, but I am the type of person… the type of person that is so aware of everything around them, that I guess I think all others are the same way.  Maybe I need to just become comfortable with being “the weird girl taking pictures of everything”.

But yes, photographer’s block it is.  You’ll find me out there generally taking pictures of nature, but I feel the need to expand beyond that and find some new material.  I just don’t know what else would spark my interest behind the lens yet.


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