Wolf

My sister emailed me asking why my Myspace was deleted… I didn’t want to rehash the story to her of dumbass so I just told her that I felt like taking it down and maybe I would put up another profile in the future. Basically though, I took it down because Myspace has always been more drama in my life than it was worth. Which is stupid enough & immature as it is… never me though, people seem to bring their Myspace/internet drama into my life..just wtf. And dumbass’s actions definitely proved that to me once again. She is lucky she didn’t get herself severely hurt. My profile was private, but still… there were some people on there who didn’t need to be on there anyways. I am not trying to bring people from my past back into the future I realized.

Tonight I was just thinking… when me & M worked to get her out of that situation with J. If that was today and I was faced with that choice again… I wouldn’t do it. And a little voice popped up in my head saying “damn, that’s cold”. Hmmph. Maybe it is. But why risk yourself for somebody who wouldn’t do the same for you? I don’t have anything to show for it. Not even a true friend. Or at least one that knows the definition. So two tears in a bucket… fuck it.

Then it just occurred to me that giving too much of myself to other people is done. No, actually I realized that about 3 weeks ago. It’s good to do things for people, be supportive of people, do unto others as you would want them to do for you… but you also know when someone has been taking advantage of you, of your kindness, of the things you will do for them…

Woooooooooord.

I really wish the newest ink would hurry up and heal completely. It seems like it has been taking forever. I still have 2 areas that are scabbed on it. My neck one didn’t even scab at all.

It recently occurred to me that that I have been back in IN for 4 years now. Wow. Talk about time flying. 4 years seem like freaking yesterday. No wonder so much has changed. It doesn’t feel like that long at all. When I think about time after we first moved back, in my mind it feels like it was a year… 2 years ago tops. But it has been 4! And it is even freakier when I think in terms of like… it has been 6 years since I moved in with Ki. Damn. It is strange that I still feel so connected with stuff around that time. That there is this part of me that still feels like all this is so new. I don’t get how I can miss certain things after all this time. Sometimes it almost feels like time moved on for other people, and with me…when it comes to certain things, time stood still. It is a very confusing feeling.

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