Quitting Smoking…the Blogging Way

I’ve been going on for a long time now, how I wish to stop smoking.  The past month or so especially, I’ve been fighting it on a whole new level.  I don’t want to do it.  But I am addicted to it.

And finally it is just like… when is enough enough?  Why go through the mental processes every day of thinking “I don’t want to do this”, doing it, and then feeling like crap b/c of it?

Where is the logic in that?

I’ve been fearful of quitting b/c of the anxiety associated with quitting… but

What happens while I still smoke?  I have anxiety related to smoking.  WTF I ask you?  It’s been a lose-lose situation for me.  A mental state of anxiety due to a stupid addiction.

When in reality…if I continue smoking, the anxiety about it continues.  But if I stop… the worst is anxiety for a few days…or anxiety for a few weeks at random times… but not once every hour or quicker.

Or I am making it worse than it is.  I quit for 8 months last year.. well between 2006-2007.  Granted, being sick with mono helped the process along by a few months *heh* but I did it for 8 months and honestly, it barely effected me any.  It was so easy.  And I was nowhere in the mental state of wanting to quit like I am now.  I just did it.  I just put one out on night and that was that.  I felt a little light headed for a couple days and that was that.  And told myself that I was never going to start again b/c I never wanted to quit again.  Well so much for that logic.

I am also reading Allen Carr’s (RIP) Easy Way to Stop Smoking, although I have no intentions of continuing to smoke as he suggests until I have finished the book.  But he already has one thing right… it is all about fear.  Fear of quitting.

One of my greatest fears the first time I quit was making that first long car ride w/o a cigarette.  To be honest I never got to conquer that feel b/c for 8 months I totally avoided driving any place that was over an hour away.  If I went far from home, I made someone else drive.  Never facing that fear, I still have it.

Last time a lot of my withdrawal symptoms weren’t even from cigarettes….what I thought were withdrawal symptoms was the onset of mono haha

So minus that…reading back on my old quitnet journal…my only true withdrawal symptoms were occassional cravings and feeling lightheaded/dizzy for the first 2 days.

Umm I think I can deal.

I remember writing this after I had been quit before for a couple weeks… any time I read it again, it immediately kills the addict inside of me:

Been thinking a lot about my dad. My dad is a smoker.
He has smoked for….oh I’d say 35 years. His smoking
is probably a large reason why I got hooked myself.
Not blaming him…just saying…it didnt’ help
matters.

I remember my dad trying to quit when I was little.
His smoking upset me so much. I remember crying when I
would catch him sneaking a smoke…feeling betrayed. I
didn’t understand why smoking was horrible back then,
but I knew that it was hurting my dad and it hurt when
he lied and smoked anyways.

I remember him outside with me and my sister when we
were little…telling us that once he quit smoking he
would be able to run to moon. We would always laugh
and be like “Nu uh daddy!” He would say something
along the lines of “Wait and see.” There is a 4 year
old inside of me still waiting….waiting to see my
dad quit smoking and run to the moon….

….Funny the things we remember…..

The point is…one way or another…there is a time to stop this madness and I need to get on with it.

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