Sewing & Smoking…or lackthereof of both

I bought a new sewing machine.  It ended with me throwing it back in the box, lots of cursing… now I have to return it, because a minute into the damn thing..the needle just jammed.  I fought with it for about 20 minutes.  Nothing worked.  It was locked up completely and I don’t know enough about the damned things to figure it out.  Of course now I am reading some reviews about it and apparently the damned thing is notorious for jamming up.  Or it is absolutely fantastic.  Quality control issue of some sort… either love or hate… perhaps I got a bad one.

I have the sewing machine that my mother gave me.  A very sturdy, could possibly live on forever one that she bought some 30 years ago.  It is missing a spool pin, which I could still order and it could possibly work, only ordering it has been like pulling teeth over and over again b/c Sears parts website hates me.  Immensely.  Clearly I am not meant to sew.

If I can ever catch their website when it is not in maintenance mode…or get a chance to call them…maybe I will just test my luck with the old sewing machine, buy the freaking spool pin I am missing, cut my losses and make them overnight the damn thing to me.

The smoking thing… well it has gotten easier now that it has finally clicked to me that smoking really is similar to just licking the bottom of the damned ashtray.  I dunno..something clicked.  Like it really does taste the exact way it smells, smokers just don’t notice after a while b/c you kill off tastebuds, nerves…your body tries to make it taste better figuring you are going to poison the shit out of it anyways… that sort of thing.

That and realizing what an absolute pointless addiction that it is.  Not to justify other drug use/addictions by any means… but at least other addictions… other drugs… well they tend to give a some what enjoyable feeling of sorts…for the most part.  At least it makes sense to some degree why people get hooked on them.  Cigarettes though?  Where is the logic?  Here… smoke this nasty smelling crap, pollute the air, smell like crap, give yourself cancer slowly along with 120 other diseases and you don’t even get a damn buzz or anything..haha.

Don’t get me wrong… I’ve been having cravings here and there, but it is basically like…oh hey…nice try mind, I don’t want it.  Anger tho… man that is still my biggest “trigger”.

And just the whole romanticizing the cigarette… a lot of people quitting do this and that is probably where for the most part…the addiction really is.  In the mind…romanticizing the idea of smoking…. that a cigarette would feel nice…provide something.  Smoke one consciously and tell me if this is true.  I doubt it.

Realizing how stupid it all is…how nasty… how pointless….I would have to be a freaking retard to go back to such a dirty habit.


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