I could anger my mother with this

I haven’t really talked about anything spiritual lately.. which is odd b/c a lot of my old blog was dedicated to that. Basically I found myself stuck and just decided to live for a bit w/o going into it all too deeply. I didn’t know where to go in my spiritual quest and I was tired of searching to be quite honest.

But last night I was trying to go to sleep I realized part of my anxiety about life in general, is that I don’t know if it has a purpose or it makes any sense at all. I started thinking perhaps it was just all a lucky break… everything…from the creation to the universe to this earth to life in general. Maybe it was all just organized chaos. Maybe some random ass chance actually did happen.

If there is a God and this God is not cool with doubt, I am screwed.

If this God does exist… this God is very big on faith. Because is it required. This God does not choose to show and prove God’s existence. Or is it possible that this God, if this God does exist, cannot show or prove God’s existence?

(If I am wording this funny it is because several months ago I decided not to assign gender to the concept of God.)

I starting thinking about all the prayers that I have prayed. I started thinking that it seems a wee bit ridiculous that so many of the answers have been NO. People aren’t okay with praying and getting the answer no back. If they pray for something, it is because they believe it will be answered. For many people there are no such thing thing as prayers in which were answered by no, they instead refer to them as “unanswered prayers”… what so this wonderful God just didn’t get the message? It didn’t happen for you so it must have just been overlooked? Not answered? Where did we get this message that God never says no to us?

It is also easy to look at all the prayers that have been answered no (or left unanswered if you prefer) and easy to forget the ones that have been answered by yes. This is true. I think it is often human nature to forget all the wonderful things and instead remember the one crushing negative.

I still pray every day for just general protection and peace and safety. It has been answered for me, so to speak.

So strictly faith speaking… are some prayers more important than others? Easier to make happen? Do we have to accept that science and chance play their respective roles? What?

I started thinking that maybe if there is a God, that this God may not have direct control over what is happening here on earth. I know that isn’t an “okay” thought for a lot of people. And I guess it also depends on how you feel about free will.

But I just can’t accept that God makes for suffering… and then doesn’t answer prayers to relieve suffering. I know what you’re probably thinking… well gee it sounds like you want it to be Heaven on earth. Well, I’m starting to feel like if God has direct control over anything on this earth, then yes that would be the way it would be.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Neutrawsadvare
    Aug 03, 2008 @ 10:36:26

    I agreed with you


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