Did Somebody Say…..no, no they didn’t?

I am sitting here laughing b/c according to my blog stats..some of ya’ll have serious problems with what you’re looking for here.

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I keep overthinking the whole friend/ex-friend issue. Even after deciding that I was better than dealing with the immaturity and after I realized that it is absolutely ridiculous that I have to be so concerned with how someone who would be labeled “friend”…well that I have to worry about them treating me like crap.

Basically I just want it to go away. Nicely and neatly. But I doubt it will.

I haven’t checked my messages in forever b/c I am afraid it is there, waiting for me. The blow up. I’m psyching myself out. It may not be there at all. But if it is, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to deal with it. But what is bad…that is how I have felt EVERYTIME the past couple of years that I go longer than 4-5 days w/o answering her calls. That is fucking sad. It’s volatile, the relationship we have already had. It is any wonder why I am fucking sick of it? Maybe if it were something that was left in our youth, but it was not. She’s done it as an adult. I can’t deal with it.

***

I decided to try my erm… other herbal approach to sleep tonight. We’ll see if it works…I have to get to that state of just wanting to crash out first though.

***

I am in the process of trying to acquaint myself with some of the more technical aspects of photography, because surprisingly enough, I know little at all about them! I am not the type of person that figures out what x and x does first and then use them. I use them and figure out what they are supposed to do later.

I have also been randomly roaming Flickr, looking at other’s work I admire in order to get a feel for what I like, what I would like to do, how others do things, what kinds of cameras are being used, what kind of techniques are being used, ect.

And I’m trying to collect some nice photography blogs for constant inspiration and teaching of the craft. So if you know of any good photography blogs/websites, let me know!

I am also trying to get myself into taking more pictures. Just more random… other everything.

And taking my camera down to the festival this weekend, I realize how much I like photographing people but that I am so self conscious in doing so. Even in like getting shots of a crowd. I dunno, it just makes me feel a little weird and I need to get over that.

I am thinking of putting an ad on craigslist or something when I get a new camera and offer free photo sessions just to build up my experience with people a little bit more.

***

Speaking of new camera… I am trying to decide whether in the fall… uh which is more like next month to get a laptop or get my new camera then. I probably can’t get both. And either way the other one’s wait should probably be some time in December or January.

A laptop would in infinitely useful to me. I rather hate the desktop..err well actually I have good reason to hate the desktop b/c it is le suck. We have 2 external hard drives so that should give you some idea that internal hard drive is pathetic. Using programs I want to use is often problematic, much less installing new ones that I would like to use.

I want to use internet on it, I definitely need to use it for my pictures, it needs to be able to run Photoshop and some other programs well, and it would be nice if I could also play my games on it, namely my Sims. I have no idea what to get. Only I don’t want to go into Best Buy or anywhere else unprepared b/c I know how they run..they fucking prey on unprepared customers. I know this, I once worked at Best Buy, luckily it was over before they succeeded in their task making me kill myself. Or somebody else. I did contemplate psycho murderous rampages daily during the length of my employment.

And a new camera… I have no idea what I want. Nikon & Canon of course seem to be the most popular consumer SLRs are on the market. Obviously I can’t afford something wicked professional. But I have to move past the point and shoot as well.

I thought maybe stalking photo sites and comparing pics taken with different cameras would give me an idea of what the camera could do, but not really. Honestly I have seen just as amazing shots taken with a 150$ camera has I have seen taken with a $900 camera. For real.

***

Well I am thoroughly side tracked now that I have gotten off doing something else in another window (my that sounded dirty haha) so I think I will end this now. Even though I don’t feel like actually sleeping, I bet I could crash out on the couch for a decent amount of time to constitute as sleep.

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