God

I spent a lot of time in my old blog talking about religion things… trying to find my spiritual path in life.  Some how that got replaced with anxiety in this blog *L*

Well I haven’t come leaps & bounds with that… but I recently rediscovered a concept of God.

For a while I was really on the outs there as far as a spiritual relationship with anything.  I even dabbled in the concept of atheism… something I never thought I would do.  I found it an uncomfortable process, but a process that I needed to undertake nonetheless.  I had to test my faith in some things in order to discover what it was that I really believed… at least to some extent.

While exploring the idea of atheism… well I’ll admit for somebody who had always believed in a higher power I did find it scary.  It was an odd kind of scary… opening myself up to a completely different view different from any religion or spiritual process I have previously educated myself on.  As much as atheism is kind of a concept of… there’s nothing there… it is kind of its own spiritual belief as well… just a spiritual belief in… uh not having spiritual beliefs… err something like that. Admittedly, I am still not well educated, but learned enough to know that I cannot abandon my beliefs in a higher power, afterlife, and concept that life is much more than just what we have here, purely physical and science based… little more, little less.

But I did push my level of comforts, because I knew that I couldn’t really know without testing myself.  Pushing a level of comfort was necessary for me.  I hate it myself when other people aren’t open minded or at least willing to push their levels of comfort a little bit to understand, let alone find meaning for themselves.

At any rate… I found myself coming back to a concept of God.  Don’t ask me if this God is Christian, Muslim, Hindu… ect.  I don’t know.  Well actually I do know… whoever my God is, this God is the creator of all, all differnet religions, all different incarnates, just One.

In one of my strange moments, I found myself trying to find a suitable way to relax one of my little more anxious days.  While I was taking a shower I was completely enthralled with the warm water cascading over me and didn’t feel like leaving the comfort that it provided.  Instead I ended up sitting on the floor of my shower with the water running over me and going into a type of meditative state, calming for both my mind and my body.  During that meditative state…. I found myself thinking about this concept of God and life… and that is when it came back to me.

The experience is a little too personal to really share here, despite all the other things that I do share here *L* but it brought me back to this concept of having a spiritual core.

Since then I have felt good about my decision to come back to a more spiritual base, foundation, core… whatever you want to call it.  I am glad to have that doubt removed, at least in one area of spirituality.  I am glad to have found something that makes sense to me that I can at least now find comfort in.  There are still a lot of other unanswered things for me when it comes to religion/spirituality,but finding my base concept of God again is a good starting place.

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