*Opens mouth, inserts foot*

The idea of quitting SSRIs cold turkey was possibly the dumbest one I’ve had in a good long while.  Not because I don’t feel like I can’t learn to survive w/o them, but because of a little thing called SSRI discontinuation syndrome and oh yeah, there’s warnings not to stop those shits cold turkey.

I scrounged up a pill… 4 hours later, I felt completely normal…almost.  The most unnerving thing, my body shaking uncontrollably, stopped.  Thank God!  I called my doctor.  She isn’t there today but I left a message…telling her the Cymbalta never even made an entrance in my system (seriously if going off Celexa is going to be hard this time, I can’t imagine ever coming off Cymbalta) and I wanted off all meds, but we needed to work out a taper method for the Celexa and if she could please call me in the morning.  Now I’m thinking I probably sounded like a huge bitch on the phone with the way I phased it… why I worry that I did I am not sure, but I was still in the throws of withdrawal when I left the message.  To be honest I remember little about the past several days because of it =/  THAT is unnerving as well.

And I do, I want off meds.  Plain and simple.  I’ve learned that they cannot solve my problems.  They possibly saved my life last year, but not this year… this year I need to work on the stuff that cause the problems.  Last year I needed something to provide me relief so I could even begin to work on the problems.  To even face them.

*****

Enough of that.

*****

I should really stop shopping lately. What is worse, most of my purchases have been piled up by the door, as I buy shit and then feel unmotivated to do stuff with it.  Mostly I have ended up with a lot of stuff for my bedroom, and my bedroom is currently a hell zone.  I have been meaning to get it how I wanted it since this summer… including moving the bed around.  It has yet to happen and of course I can’t move the bed myself either so my dear husband will have to help.  Let’s see if it ever so happens we are both home and motivated to move the bed at the same time lol

**
Tonight I ventured back over to Barnes and Noble and it became a sanctuary of sorts.  Sunday evenings it is always so dead that one basically has the entire bookstore almost to themselves.  And I love how people have a different kind of respect in a bookstore than other types of stores.  It is like a library really.  People are quiet, respectful.  It is nice.

I went there with a particular search of book in mind.  Basically I am interesting in a therapy process called ACT.  It pulls on a lot of Buddhist like concepts and since I have always been drawn to that…. well I thought it would be worth investigating.

But I let myself wonder through the bookstore, feeling like perhaps my instinct would lead me to some of the things I needed to discover right now.  It did to some extent.  I found an ACT book and bought it, along with a tarot spread book.  I haven’t used my tarot cards in forever, it is part of my 101 in 1001 goals, to learn to read the cards unassisted.  I thought perhaps having more various spreads to learn as well might inspire me more to do that.  The 2 I used before are fun, but I like the idea of knowing more.

Since I managed to read $40 worth of books today… the 2 Batman graphic novels that I bought… The Long Halloween & The Killing Joke today… which both I LOVED, but didn’t want to buy another 20$ one that I would read in 40 minutes…I sat down and read Batman: Year One.

Every since seeing TDK and then recently finally watching Batman Begins I have been a bit Batman obsessed.  I always loved the movies, but didn’t really know too much about the comics/graphic novels.  So when I heard Nolan’s take was actually taking a lot of the stuff from the comics and turning it into a real life this could possibly happen thing…however you want to phase it…I got interested even more.  And now I’m just a huge fan of not only Nolan’s take on Batman, but the graphic novels I have read so far.

There is just something totally appealing to me about the way they are written…the concepts…the characters.  This thin line between sanity/insanity… what constitutes good/evil… that sometimes good people will turn and do bad things …but why?  And why do we sometimes think of those bad things as being completely bad or sometimes having to break a few rules and appear bad for the greater good. How sometimes life breaks even the one’s who appear to have it together… and how maybe we’re all just a little bit…off.  It’s not just superhero & villian…good guy wins in the end stuff.  It is the psychological impacts that I totally love.

I guess this would explain my complete love of Ledger’s Joker in TDK.  How can you sit there and root for the deranged guy?  Because maybe his theories made a little more sense than we would all care to admit…

Man, I’m totally craving a TDK fix now lol

And now after seeing Batman Begins, yes I am several years behind now… but my thoughts:  Some aspects I liked better than TDK..basically the action scenes for the most part, seemed to be a bit more well done IMO.  I liked that it mixed the psych stuff and the action stuff well.  TDK had okay action, but it seemed more pyschological which was just fine, but if you’re gonna have action…my thoughts are sourta go all out at least a couple times.

It was slow at the beginning… but I enjoyed seeing the Bruce Wayne character be built up and we really see him the way he is portrayed in the comics/graphic novels.  The Batman movies before Nolan’s totally failed at doing that.

I personally needed MOAR SCARECROW.  And not just because I have a fangirl crush on Cillian Murphy lol

I just really liked the character… the psychiatrist that goes insane… it touches me in a special place haha

And I was totally disappointed that they wrapped up his story line for the movie by Katie fucking Holmes tasaring his ass and he runs off into the night.

***
So minus Batman ramblings…I’ll finish up watching the VMAs here in which I totally want to smack MTV for being so bad.  Oh yeah, and clearly giving Britney Spears awards for a terrible video in attempts to apparently apologize for exploiting her craziness last year.  Poor girl, I am starting to feel bad for her.

….

Bitch just won video of the year.  For a video/song that was barely ever played.

Dear Kanye you should have stuck to boycotting this shitty show.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Garland
    Sep 09, 2008 @ 00:34:25

    As someone who quit Celexa cold turkey a few years ago I am cheering for you! My mom didn’t want me to get off the pills but I told her I wasn’t going to use them the rest of my life. I’ll keep you in my thoughts!

    Reply

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