Season for Silence

Being stuck inside your head is never good… but what about, just wanting to be stuck inside of your head in complete silence.  For the mindless chattering of daily thoughts that really have no value of importance to just cease and sit in silence… to hear silence…

I fucking love it.

My mind goes 24/7.  Usually to places it has no places going.  Silence is brilliant.

I’ve been sitting on my couch most of the night… on a shiatsu massage pad that I bought half off.  The exact same one my MIL bought me last year that I returned b/c it hurt my back.  But now I’ve figured out how to sit on it…it feels wonderful.  It is a brilliant way to focus on something else… a comforting body sensation.

Tonight I roamed through the mall and there are these Asian dudes who offer massages…right there in the midde of the mall.  Up to 30 minutes for 30 dollars.  I’m thinking of stopping by there one day and just see if it is any good.  It looks wonderful.  Honestly I think I could benefit from some kind of massage therapy…right now my shiatsu massage pad will have to work.

I thought this year would be this brilliant year where I just magically found a way for everything to work out and I would excel and life would be easy…. maybe that expectation, and riding so much on it.. was a bad thing to do.

He tells me that I think about too many things that I shouldn’t… that I let too many things bother me that shouldn’t.  I say I can’t help it, but maybe I can.  If I can learn to silence the inside, I can do anything.

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