Yay! I don’t think I’m insane! Or a hypochondriac!

Wow, so the past f’ing year the doctor I have been seeing on campus has had me convinced that I am just crazy and need to be on some kind of medication b/c I’m just always so anxious.  I was really starting to believe it, that something was just so screwed up in my head and I would never feel or be normal again.  Maybe I wanted to believe it too, maybe b/c it seemed like a simple concise answer.  I’m fucking nutty.

But I took those meds…I wasn’t feeling better.  Sure I would have good days…sometimes good weeks, sometimes good months.  But I never felt better better.  And then, perhaps it was a stroke of luck, to get prescribed some Xanax again b/c you know what, THAT didn’t make me feel better.  That is when it finally hit me like a ton of bricks.  It’s isn’t the anxiety making me feel bad!  Whatever is making me feel bad is causing me to feel anxious but I just don’t feel bad b/c I’m anxious!

I didn’t just one day wake up with a case of anxiety one day that I would fight with for the rest of my life.

I swear an angel burst out in song somewhere.

I started looking at my symptoms and what also happened along with them… it was so easy to get caught up in the “feel like I can’t breathe” thing… believe me.  When you have that sensation, your body’s first and only response is to try to fix it.

What else was happening?  My throat got sore, itchy, even the back of my tongue felt sorta swollen and itchy.  I would get massive headaches.  My sinuses felt like they were just filling up with…something.  My chest felt tight.  Sometimes I would get dizzy.

Suddenly it hit me, could I be allergic to something?  Like badly allergic to something?  I have had massive allergy issues all my life.  There was a time when almost no soap or lotion or anything could touch my legs or I would break out in huge painful hives.  And that is just one example.

It might also explain, why I would have weeks, sometimes months of feeling better and then be hit with the symptoms again out of nowhere.

The past few days I have been taking taking Zyrtec and also using 2 homeopathic remedies.  I don’t feel 100% better by any means but I’m getting back to a functional level.  If it is helping, then it must have a link.

I’m trying to get an appointment at an allergy and asthma clinic if hopefully I can afford it.  If I could find out what I was allergic too, maybe then I would could better control.

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