Just Breathe

Last post… the 8th. It is now the 14th.

Clearly I failed the blogging everyday this month challenge. But I shall try to continue with the rest of the month. I have good reason for missing some days. Oh, I was just losing my freaking mind again, that’s all.

Long story short…my doctor thinks I’m batshit crazy. She is probably right. I sat in her office and randomly burst into tears at simple questions, feeling humiliated and like my soul was sitting there right there on the table, completely exposed.

I probably wouldn’t have burst into tears if the nurse hadn’t previously been a humongo bitch to me. But that was my breaking point that sent my blood pressure reading to the highest number I have ever seen it.

I left defeated in a way… but decided this was it. I was going to regain my life. Whatever was wrong with me, was stress induced. I was killing myself by my random freak outs.

Last night, I sat down to do some research. Wondering why I was feeling so miserable and besides the adrenal thing, nobody could tell me why. I remembered some time ago coming across a thread that matched some of my issues and a lady in it talked about chronic hyperventilation syndrome or chronic overbreathing. I dismissed it b/c I thought surely if I was chronically hyperventilating or overbreathing, I would know right? I mean, at least in theory it sounded like something that was impossible to miss.

Wrong. The more reading I did the more I realized that OMG this is me, this is what is happening to me! And this is why it happens AFTER stressful situations, not during. Because I hold onto all the stress and constantly stay in a tensed up state. This is also why… it went away, and then came back. And this is why, I had such a problem getting over things, b/c I was constantly feeding the cycle of tension, stress, & anxiety. I would get anxious or stressed… my body would tense and I would overbreathe/chronically hyperventilate and then I would in turn get anxious over what effects that had on my body and the cycle would continue. And I cannot express in words how much finally understanding that it was not my body lacking oxygen, but actually have too much oxygen has helped me. It has also helped me understand that this is why I sleep at night just fine w/ no breathing issues.. and usually wake up generally fine for a while until my body goes back into tension/stress mode thus overbreathing mode. It goes back to that mode, b/c your body got used to that mode and assumed it to be normal. Anything less than that wants to initially set off suffocation alarms in your brain.

And overbreathing can account for so many physical and mental ailments due to what it does to your body chemistry.

I wish there was an instant fix, but it will take some time to retrain my breathing. Already, just breathing slowly through my nose has helped a lot. I feel a lot of pain in my muscles from overbreathing now that I am trying to breathe more through my belly. I found myself initially shocked by how weak my diaphram seemed. Clearly I’ve been a chest breather.

Management is retrain breathing, stress reduction, SSRIs, and anti anxiety medication.

I suddenly have come fully to grips with our important it is that I correct this problem and effectively manage my stress from here on out because if I don’t, I will take me.

A site with breathing exercises I thought I would share as well.

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