Improving

I’m always afraid of jinxing myself by proclaiming that I’ve been feeling better…but well I have.  I’ve had my moments but am suddenly starting to realize once again that life is what I make it and if I want it to be simply going thru the motions, then well that is all it will be.  And if I want it to be more, I can make it more.

20 mg of Paxil seems to be enough although I still can’t comment on if my sex life has returned to somewhat normal yet or not.  I would actually like to know how I respond to 15 or even 10 mg of it, but…. probably won’t know.  At least not for now.

Learning about the overbreathing thing/chronic hyperventilating is ultimately what has changed much for me and if only I could have known it before I could have possibly overcame freakouts w/o the help of medication (but then again, who knows).  This is what was causing me to feel chronically ill (and has been indicated in studies to possibly play a huge role in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome)  and it is a huge weight lifted off of me to know that I can control it.  I plan on gathering some information about it and posting it on my blog in hopes that maybe somebody looking for an answer like I was would find it here.  In the time I spent researching what the fuck was wrong with me, I came across a lot of people with similar symptoms and yet no answers as well and now hopefully it could help them too.

Admittedly, I am really super bored with my current life.  No school… no work…. no nothing.  Hubby man is overbooked with everything in his world and he seems to rather enjoy it and me…I’m just…here.  Kinda stuck.

I wonder what going back to classes in a couple months is going to be like… if I can go back to enjoying it… or what.

But at the same time… I’ve been on the path for so long, I just want it to be over.

I’m hoping I’ll start to get to do some freelance stuff and that will pick up and add some variety to my currently boring ass existence.

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