Missing Music.. Rhyme.. Poetry

Music  used to be my life.  My world.  Utterly.  Completely.  Total love affair.

It started early on… I remember even as a very young child, my mom playing records in the record player and singing to me.  It continued on all through my childhood.   Music made me feel.  Completely.  Exposure to music gave me an introduction into new worlds I never knew existed.  I suppose it is to me what books are to some people.  I love to read, but I could never really get lost in a book.  Music, I can get lost in.

As I hit adolescence music became a way for me to express myself.  It being a troubled time in my life, I gravitated towards music that expressed my frustration in life.

I had been writing poetry for some time.  It finally dawned on me how poetry and music interconnected when I discovered hiphop.  Suddenly I had a whole new outlet.  My mother cursed my music, while I had finally found a way to express myself.

Poems became rhymes.  It was my expression.  It was what saved me.  I began writing about my life.  Journal entries were replaced with rhymes… poetry.  It was creative.  It was self expression.  It was story telling.

It was natural.  And worked out well, b/c I can’t sing to save my life.  Sometimes I’m alone in my car, singing along to a ballad or something, and kind of want to plug my own ears haha

It’s not so far fetched to say that my love of music changed my life.  In many ways it did.  It introduced to people I never otherwise would have met.  It gave me experiences I would have never otherwise had.  And it played a large part in me meeting my husband.

I am not a performer at heart…no way.  I am a writer.  That is where my passion was.  That is where my passion is.

My heart holds a soft spot for the nights we sat around though… making up a makeshift studio and self learning Cool Edit and Acid Pro.  Learning that socks made great pop filters… well for our purposes.

It was back in the day… where very few had the means to do audio… nowadays… it ain’t a thing.  Then it was something to get yourself a beat, an audio program and upload a real media file for your friends to listen to online.

But back to music…

Journals consisted of these songs… these poems.  Rather or not they were to ever be heard.  And my life consisted of music.

It got me through the rough times.  I would find a song that spoke to me, for my situation and it would be my anthem for however long I needed it, until we moved on to the next thing.

It has always made me feel alive.

And then I lost it.  I lost my lifeline.

Shortly after I turned 19… I started letting things that were important to me fade away.  It speaks a lot for my current situation I’m sure.  I think I sort of got lost in my relationship… my identity as fiancee and then wife and student… and just lost site of what inspired me and what breathed life into me.

That is why I decided to put “listen to 2 albums a month” on my 101 in 1001 list.  I wanted to get back to that root of music…. to remember what it did for me.

So I started in November…. and the first album I put on… I immediately remembered what I had been missing.  It is not that I haven’t listened to music these past few years.  Now that’s just silly!  But is more of a thing… it became background noise.  I mostly listened to it in my car.. and that’s it. Now I was listening to it again for the pleasure of listening…. of actually hearing.  Listening to they lyrics… feeling the vibe of the beat.

I think 2 albums will be no issue to complete in a month.  More like I wonder how many I will surpass that… b/c I found that passion again for music. I found a part of myself again.

I don’t know if I’ll ever write music again.  In a way I believe that is a ship that has sailed.  But who knows.  Poetry is just a few steps away anyways… and poetry yes, I have wanted to get back to that so bad.  \

Getting back pieces of yourself… is completely priceless.

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