Goodbye

Life happened here.

Life happened the the matter of about 5 square miles.

And maybe 20 sq miles if you count the back roads where we used to roady.

A lot of life happened between these roads.

It is weird to look at it now like that… looking forward and looking back.

But I saw them everyday.

Seasons of Life was written there.   I walked those sidewalks in spring.  in winter.  in fall.  in summer.

We would walk to the mini mart to kill time.  Or just meander aimlessly and shoot the shit.  Sometimes he’d drive by and catch me walking and we would go for a ride… or a roady.

Or we would go sit on the church steps and smoke cigarettes

Did so much growing up in those few miles.  and lost every shred of innocence I ever had there.

and lost a lot of it here

Looks innocent enough.  Ha.

I expected memories to come flowing back.  Instead it was just as confusing to come back as it was back then.

I did feel emotions… I felt overwhelmed.  Not what I was expecting at all.  I felt  choked up.  Not what I expected either.

It felt stupid to hold onto the memories after all these years.  But I had to go back, to make peace with myself.

To try to remember why I sat there and what I was thinking.  I still sat there though and didn’t understand.

It was strange… to look across the road.  See the house and garage.  I was different.  The car was different.  Nobody would notice if I just went by and peered in, the garage doors were open.  \

For some reason I expected it too look exactly the same.  I don’t know why.  It had been years.

It was filled with clutter now.  And no sign of the couch.

I looked back.  Leaving the part of me there that needed to be left there.

Walking forward had never seemed easier or harder.  But at least, I knew what I had to do.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Susan
    Dec 08, 2008 @ 09:48:19

    very haunting, and leaves me wondering about who you are and where you are!
    The streets of town look familiar and completley alien.
    AAAh! Is that S-N-O-W?
    Feliz Navidad

    Reply

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