It’s Never Done

I come back to my laptop to find that Mango has made a bed out of it.  not only that but he has opened a gazillion firefox help windows and apparently laid on the z key so that a billion z’s were typed into the address bar.  Perhaps he is trying to access something that only kitties know about on the internet.

I often wonder why cleaning is a fulltime never ending job.  I often imagine that while the H is off at work, he imagines I am lazily strung out on the bed or couch, surfing my favorite websites or indulging in television.  Hardly.  My job is cleaning up after him and the furkids and one day I’m sure, our flesh and blood kids.

It amazes me how fast it can all go to hell, the house that is.  Didn’t I just sweep yesterday?  Where did this come from?  I thought I put this away?

Oh sure sometimes I let it go a little bit, but lately I can’t.  Mess means chaos and chaos means the mind of me is unsettled.

There’s a tiny thrill in the toilet smelling minty fresh, even if it only lasts until a man ass plops down upon it. *eew*

Making a mess and cleaning it up… hell its almost a metaphor for life really.

I make a mess of things and am left to clean them back up.  Sometimes if I’m lucky, somebody else picks them up for me.  and sometimes, I pick up for other people.

There’s always cleaning to be done, internally… externally.

Lately I have become very aware of the cleaning that needs done in my life.  The messes from the past that have yet to be picked up and dealt with accordingly.  I’m always waiting to find the energy to do it, but must like I never quite muster up the energy to clean up the house, when I get to doing it, I get on a roll until it is done, or at least satisfactory for the time being.

I’ve recently decided it is time to confront issues of the past and clean them up so to speak.  Things that should have been managed a long time ago, but instead got swept under the rug.  But the rug has no long been thrown out and the pile of dirt still lies there.  Issues that have come to haunt me, for not cleaning them up when they happened.  But then again, who knew that certain things would come back to haunt me, months and even years later.  It’s funny how we carry all this junk around, that we call the past, when really it is with us every waking moment of the present.

I have come to realize that my life consists of a huge garbage pile of past issues, in which I continue to throw yesterdays on top.  You can imagine how big this pile is now. “I’ll deal with it tomorrow” never quite happens.  Instead I pop another happy pill and figure that I’ll get it sourted out someday… when somebody should actually be today.

Life has not been stagnant like I once thought, but has instead been flowing backwards.  The retrograde motion has at this point taken on a life of its own.  I rarely think of it much during the day, but lately, it has been haunting my dreams at night… reminding me that now is the time to resolve as much as I can.  Not in the shortest amount of time, but to at least get started… sweeping, dusting, and washing.


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