Today is gonna be a bad day.

I finally gave up trying to sleep this morning.  It just wasn’t working.  I am simply too wound up about classes today that my mind will not shut up.  Add that to the fact that I’ve slept too much the past couple of days due to feeling anxiety ridden and depressed and eventually the mind will not shut off and the body will not relax.  I gave up and got up to play with my camera which led to me being frustrated because I’m not making it over the learning curve for some of the features.  Or rather, I’m just not learning by using it… obviously I need to explore the manual further.

The weather is crappy and it is only supposed to get crappier, making me wonder how the roads are going to be, especially for my evening class.  Today is going to be bad enough with lack of sleep… if the roads are terrible I’m just gonna cry b/c driving in snow/ice gives me panic attacks.

The first week of classes is always fucking anxiety ridden for me.   This is because I have to see how everything is going to go, get a feel for my classes, the work expected, my schedule.  I can’t relax until I know these things.

Most it is the photography fundamentals class giving me anxiety.  Taking another spath class I pretty much know to expect.  Same with online class.  Same with astronomy, but the one class I am looking forward too is also giving me the most anxiety.  I just wanna know that I’m going to be okay with it.  Once I know that, I can fucking breathe.

I just wish I would have gotten some sleep.  Now it is pointless to even try to take a nap.  I’ll just wake up feeling like a big pile of shit.  Maybe I will take one this afternoon before my evening class. Maybe not.

If we get the snow/sleet/blizzard conditions they are calling for though I don’t know what I am going to do about the evening class.


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