Oh, hello Me!

I colored my hair a blonde shade again… the first time it has successfully worked out in years.  My hair has been dark or red since basically moving back to IN almost 5 years ago.  It was a nice change at first… a darker shade… and then I went and dyed it black the winter when I basically experimented with being an alcoholic.  It was a sign of my tailspin down… and from that point on, whenever I felt myself feeling low… the hair got darker…. and then I would lighten it up a little when I felt better… and dark again it would go a little later.  Whenever I was feeling crappy… my hair usually got the brunt of my feelings… probably b/c it was the easiest thing to change.

Coloring it light again, makes me feel better.  For the first time in years, I look in the mirror and see Raychel again.  It’s actually quite amazing.  For these past several years I’ve stared in the mirror and felt like something was drastically missing.  Who would have guessed it was the hair.  It didn’t seem like it was that large of a part of me.  I mean shit, I’ve chopped it off and colored it red & black (yes at the same time) before… but yet… something about the light hair, is me.  It looks like me.  It looks like the Raychel I know.  The Raychel I can trust.  The Raychel I like.


School is…. school.  There are some days when I fight with myself to even get out of bed and go.  Somedays when I enjoy it.  It is what it is.  Sometimes I still have the problem of saying fuck it and sleeping.  Not something I’m proud of… but I still lack motivation some days.. total motivation.


I’ve had this weird need to feel close to my family lately.  Well I guess it isn’t weird lol… but it kind of is for me in a way.  I don’t know if it is the crab in me (zodiac sign=cancer) coming out or if it just has something to do with the new addition that will be in our family in July or what… but I just feel this intense need to talk with family members.. bond with family members.  I’ve come to realize, while going through all my shit… how much more…’normal’ I feel when I am surrounded with family… it is like a part of me needs that.  Sure my husband is my family as well, but he can’t be my mother my sister my brother ect yah know.


I actually haven’t been playing with my camera much which is just a disgrace.  But I haven’t had any inspiration lately to photograph being holed up in my house.  I love my animals, but I get tired of taking pictures of them after a while lol Kiowa hates having his picture taken and won’t play my subject.  It is too damn cold and snowy to go wandering around outside looking for subject matter.  And nothing in my house otherwise proves to be that interesting.  But I need to go play so I can figure out all the settings on the damn thing.


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