Pills… that I don’t want to be a pill head on

I’ve been up pretty much all night.
Tried to lay down but then realized that oh shit… if I don’t pick up my Paxil in time today I will be FUCKED. And I don’t know when else I’ll get to pick it up today if I don’t get it this morning.
Called pharmacy to check hours, of course Sunday…don’t open until 10. Fuck.
I feel loopy b/c I only took 35mg on Friday and then Saturday I didn’t make it to the pharmacy and only had 5mg so I took that.
I’m trying to wean back down to 20mg and then stabilize on that and then judge if I should completely wean off. Of course it will probably take me 3-4 months if not longer to get back down to 20… so I have some time to see how all this effects my psyche.
And my doc is also wanting to pretty much get me off Ativan. That kind of bums me out b/c that is my lifesaver… but honestly I don’t need to depend on a pill so much to deal with emotions. I’m saving the ones I have for major freak out situations (if I even have any) and if I manage to hold onto them long enough, doping myself out of anxiety states so I can take the freaking public speaking class I need to get out of the way in about 1.5 months or so.

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