A Visit Back to 1001

I have to admit, there’s a part of me that wants to remove the 101 in 1001 page.  I feel like epic failure on that…*L* but I still have some time right?  Haha… I just hate seeing goals… that I worry I might not achieve.  I hate mass failure.  Hate it.  I’ve already went and deleted some things that no longer seemed important to me in any way.  I need new goals there.  But it is kind of amazing, after not looking at my goals for a while, to see that I have ticked some things off w/o even really trying.

Scalp massage?  Check!  Since I started to go to Stephanie for massages she gives super awesome ones with each massage.

I almost was doing well enough to mark off my vitamin one, only I lost the habit again in like the past 2 weeks.

I still haven’t cut my hair except for trims.  I want it to groooooooooooooow.  I came across some pics the other day of when it was half way down my back and it made me whimper.

Slipcover for the couch?  Check!

Fully organize digital pics?  Yup pretty much finally did that.

Organize craft stuff?  Just did that last night in fact.

Earlier this summer I cleared out the underwear and bra drawers and got rid of the ones that were just…wrong lol

I have bought myself flowers 2x… in fact time #2 are out there soaking up some water right now.

As I said some things I am rethinking, some things don’t matter.  And in a way, I wouldn’t mind a bigger goal or so here and there.

My biggest goal, really is the one listed at the top I believe.  The size 7?  Yeah… today I had another meltdown briefly stepping on the scale thinking omg… it will be another 5lbs and another 5lbs until I weigh GINORMOUS.  *sigh*  You know, I really can blame a fair amount on things like Celexa & Paxil…. but I have to take responsibility for some of it as well.  I spent so long being a lazy ass in fears of sparking anxiety feelings.  I spent so long being a lazy ass b/c I felt like I was dying.  And then I spent so long just being a lazy ass because I am a lazy ass.  My food choices are great… although I do get some leeway to beat my husband because he brings home things he has no business bringing home and I have to slap my hand away from them.

I was going through old pics of myself the other day and absolutely want to punch myself for thinking I was fat 3 or 4 years ago.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  It’s not so much really that I want to be a size 7 again… honestly I would take my wedding weight again.  I just want to feel healthy again, look it… that is the most important thing.  The size doesn’t matter so much.

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