*crawls out of hole*

I have been missing from the interwebz!  Not completely… I have only been at one of my usual hang outs lately… and I am there more often than I usually am b/c I am mostly anonymous there and jabber on about completely random shit that has no real meaning in life except moment entertainment.  It keeps me out of my head.   My one guilty pleasure time sucking vortex of the internet lands.

And I’ve been sick.  About three solid weeks.  And today I gave bitch face to some chick hacking beside me in class.  If I get sick again I’m finding her and vomiting on her.  Because I’m mature.  When I get sick it is brutal.  Hence, I hate getting sick.  Thus, I am possibly turning into my grandma with the whole paranoia of people coughing.

Before I got sick I was absolutely thrilled that I was getting caught up and keeping up with all my school shit.  Guess what getting sick did to that?  Back to that familiar drowning sensation but I keep telling myself if I just make it through the rest of this semester (which is soon to be up, holy shit) that it won’t be that bad after this.  I don’t know if that is true, but I’m currently pretending it is.  At least it can’t really get any worse….

I found myself in the midst of yet another great depression while I was sick, which was fueling it no doubt.  Seems like I’ve had a lot of downs lately.  I did allow myself to cry and vent though… it helped… some.  Verbalizing what I was feeling helped me see that I could work with it.  Once I said what I needed/wanted… yes it felt like a hurdle still, but a hurdle that I could get past with some work.  Down to 15mg of Paxil was also a huge kick in the ass.  I have finally  just stabilized on it this week, 3 weeks after I made the drop.  That alone is a very emotional thing to go through.  Your brain…readjusting… lends for some interesting days that is for sure.

I keep moving forward… despite the days of feeling like I won’t.



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