The Flu & Paxhell… Makes the Holidays So Much More Jolly

Is my sarcasm evident?

Ki gave me the flu, and I think the only reason I’m recovering some what quickly is because I’ve been choking down a shit ton of garlic pills (the odorless kind thank yah) for their antiviral properties.  It also spurned a googling of “can you overdose on garlic”… just add that to the list of weird shit I’ve googled.  For the record, you probably can’t.  I just needed to be sure before I took another ridiculous amount of them.  But the cough that never quite went away since the last bout of the flu is now back with a vengeance.  Yay…coughing until you gag.  And how come that tickle in your throat always starts at the worst possible moment?  Like during a final?  Or around a large group of people?

Add that to the fact that I’m bound to feel like shit for the next few days anyways…. Paxil drop a couple days ago.  I feel it.  And I do not like it.  I am now at 10 mg.  That is amazing to me considering I started at 40mg.  In another month I’ll be in single digits.  I am no longer the Paxil zombie.  But every dose drop… is full of surprises.  You’d think I’d be used to it… but nah, I always hate it, used to it or not.

3-4 days is the length of time needed for me to know if this newest drop is going to work or if I will need to go back up for longer or try a smaller drop.  If I don’t go manic by day three it is promising… and if I’m not half dead by increased anxiety by day 4 I’ll probably be able to weather through the rest of the withdrawal for that drop.

Last night it finally occurred to my brain that it wasn’t getting 12.5mg anymore.  The fun began.  Welcome back restless legs and random muscle jerks while I’m trying to sleep.  Heart palpitations? Check.  Although that’s relatively new and didn’t start until I hit about 15mg.  Feeling like a drank 10 cups of coffee?  Yup.  Stomach disturbances from hell?  Uh huh.  And sometimes…. I swear to God I can feel my brain.

This all usually starts to fade in a week if I’m lucky… 2 weeks if I’m not.  By week three I start feeling somewhat normal and by week 4 I’ve found a new normal.  And then it is time to start it all over again.  Always in the first week I think omfg there is no way I’m doing this again in 4 weeks… but then 4 weeks comes and you’re just ready to get to it because it is another step closer to getting this shit out of your system for good.

7.5

5

2.5

And then to be honest I’ll probably cut a 2.5mg sliver in half for a few weeks….just to be sure.

I might be off this shit by April.  And then…. at least I’m free.  But as hopeful as that feels, right now it is just get through this drop.  Which moving on towards day 4 of drop # 11, it looks like I’ll pull through, even at times the only thing that makes me feel like I will survive is sleep.  It probably wouldn’t feel so bad if your brain could rationalize what was going on… but all it knows is that you cut back on its drug… the little happy pills they like to call non addictive but could send you to the hospital or nearest loony bin if you just stopped taking them and otherwise put you on a rollercoaster ride through hell if you decide to spend a year getting off them the “right way”.

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