Oh Hai Christmas Eve

Suddenly I remember why Holidailies is such a challenge. I am once again behind quite a bit but the days just fly by and I just never get around to my blog.

A week and a half after initially getting sick, I think I am slowly on the mend. I still have the cough, but it is getting better. The bad part is the continuous coughing previous to it getting better sensitized my gag reflex something terrible. I don’t know why but that it did. I spent last night bent over a trash can after a small coughing spell watching some pizza reemerge. Today even the small coughs and tickles in my throat makes me feel gaggy. Gross.

It still doesn’t feel even remotely like Christmas… be it 9 minutes into Christmas Eve at this moment. I just don’t think it’s gonna happen for me this year. The last few years have been like that and I just don’t think Christmas will quite have the same magic again until we have kids and I am able to see Christmas with more child like eyes again.

A part of me really wants to go to a Christmas Eve service at 11:30pm at the church across the street but I feel awkward walking into a church I’ve never been in before on Christmas Eve, alone. I could ask my husband to go with me of course, but I know how uncomfortable he would be with the idea. I guess the spiritual aspect of Christmas is what I cling onto these days for that ‘holiday magic’ since every other aspect is sourta gone with age, no children… that sourta thing.

That all aside… here is the update with everything since I last posted on what was it… Friday I think. (WTF, I just realized it is Thursday lol, where have my days gone?!)

Christmas celebrations at my mom’s was fine. Again, didn’t really feel like Christmas, but whatever. One of my aunts and uncles were there so it helped make it less weird than Thanksgiving. I didn’t get to play with my nephew much b/c of course everyone wanted him LOL but I did get a little moment of baby bliss when he decided to cuddle up to my chest and drift back off for a few minutes after we woke him up from his nap. My sister is off for a couple of weeks so I plan to go visit them during the day and get all the Tristin I can stand lol. I absolutely love a 6 months old’s response to opening Christmas presents…. a complete look of “why are we doing this?” LOL I can’t wait though until he is excited about it. Next year he’ll be one and a half so maybe we’ll get a better response lol

My sister loved the photo book I made her. She said she felt herself getting choked up looking at it. Mission accomplished. I knew she would love it but I knew for super sure she would love it because my mom opened up the photo book I made her before my sister opened hers and she was oohing and ahhing over it.

My brother was quite happy about what I got him, which I’m glad b/c I wasn’t sure about it when I got it and realized how small it was. Ki also bought him a Watchmen DVD collection.

I really did spend way too much on family this year but ah well. I really do love to see people open their gifts that I got them and see the looks on their faces. I never think about how much I spent until afterwards lol

****
I am still alive on 10mg of Paxil. The first week was filled with hellish anxiety but once I got to day 5 on 10mg I was pretty much like fuck this, there’s no going back now, I’ll deal. That’s probably the real reason I’m gaggy. I’ve had to spend a hell of a lot of time lately on breathing exercises. Especially since I got a hell of a surprise the other day when my little crutch didn’t work as well as it normally did.

****
I got my grades. I nearly passed out cold. A ‘B’ in statistics. W.T.F. How did I pull that off? I thought I was failing that class and just kept trying to keep up appearances…. and yet I got a B. It was just unfuckingbelievable. In fact I passed everything with an A or B. I guess busting my ass worked and having moments where I wanted to throw myself off a bridge or break down and cry worked. My end of semester meltdown was apparently worth it.

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