Survival

I’ve survived pneumonia.

I survived myself when I was 10 years old.  Yes, myself.

I survived my house getting broken into when I was there, alone.  That feeling of being completely frozen in fear is unlike anything you could ever imagine.

I survived a bad car accident when I was 16 that never should have happened.  I still find it strange how quickly my brain sorted out sheer panic from reality of the situation and felt rather peaceful at its final thought before impact of… I wonder what it feels like to die?  A split second though, bracing for impact, seriously wondering what it is going to feel like, feeling it and then realizing you are conscious and amazingly not badly injured that you can feel immediately and your first thought being GET ME OUTTA HERE NOW! I’M ALIVE AND GET ME OUT OF HERE.

I’ve survived having what felt like my heart ripped into pieces.

I’ve survived watching people die.

I survived watching a 5 day old baby die.  I laid there awake that night, “God, why did you pick me to go there and be with her as they take her child off of life support?  I have no fucking clue how to do this, not one.  I can’t even imagine it.  So I’ma just pretend that you are gonna show me what do when I get there.” And S/He did.

I survived a really really scary situation of dumbness in youth that could have ended really badly.

I survived living with my father and his psycho bitch flavor of the day.

I survived a really long really debilitating bout of mono.

I survived thinking one of the most meaningful relationships of my life could end just as it had began.

I survived myself in my early 20s once again.

The point being, that I survived.  We survive.  That is what we do.

You think of all these things that felt like they should have killed you, but until they actually do, we keep surviving.

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