Crappy Artist

I’m a crappy artist.  Seriously.  Inspired I am not. So right now that = crappy to me.  And to make myself feel worse about being a crappy artist, last night I tried to write a poem for the first time in ages and it caused me to literally laugh out loud in spite of myself.  Because I realized, omfg I have forgotten how to write.  Did you know that is possible?  Well it is.  I swear.  I think part of it is I simply don’t write like I used to.  And the other part, the largest part, I don’t read poetry anymore like I used to.  I used to surround myself with it, constantly.  Books, websites, message boards.  Big difference when you don’t do that anymore.  I spent over half my life identifying so much with being a poet… and having that missing, gone, whatever… well it feels like a huge part of me is missing.

And photography?  Don’t get me started.  The wave of uninspired is epic.  Part of it is because I discovered my complete love of photographing people and I’ll be damned if people aren’t hard to come by right now.  Even doing it for free…. people flake out on me like a mofo.  It’s frustrating as fuck.  And then I get pissed off at people and want nothing to do with them for a while b/c I get annoyed easily like that.  I don’t get the same high photographing other things right now… I can’t draw emotion out of them like I do people.  Inanimate objects lack the emotion that I love.  I’m gonna be really fucked going into basic studio classes photographing a fucking plant.  Trust me, that shit is gonna be irritating.

But… I have realized that I am doing nothing good for myself by sitting around pouting and not doing anything just for the mere fact that it is not exactly what I want to do.  Clearly I need to start looking at things with fresh eyes.  I felt slightly inspired browsing photography blogs and seeing people take average things and turning them awesome.  Surely I am able to do something of a similar nature.  And even if I don’t… at least it is practice.

My mom was here last weekend and saw the various pictures of my own work I have hanging on my walls.  She was all like ooohhh you should get a booth at one of these arts and crafts shows, mat them and frame them and sell some of your stuff!  Yeah, that would be cool… but that shit can also cost a lot of $$$.  Printing, matting, framing, renting a booth, blah blah blah.  I would really like to at some point, but pretty sure I need some money to fall out of the sky.  It is something to think about in the future anyways I guess.


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