Love, Happiness, Money and Mental Chatter

I worry about love… being loved.

The way romantic love evolves… the way it evolves after the horny-we’re-batshit-crazy-in-love feeling progresses into  something deeper.

I worry about love and being desirable.

I worry about happiness, if it can truly be a state that is stable… constant.

I wonder if others are happier than me on a consistent basis.

I wonder if I’ll ever find what I feel so deeply might be missing.

I worry about a struggle for money the rest of days.

I wonder if I’ll ever be able financially to achieve my dreams.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have  enough.

Sometimes I feel guilty for having all that I do have when I talk to people who have way less.

I believe that I deserve love.  I believe that everybody deserves love.  The people who didn’t get love seem to have a lot of the largest problems.

I did have a few points in my life where I wondered if I was worthy of love, but for the most part I’ve always known that there was something within me very deserving of being loved.

I know that happiness is attainable.  Happiness just isn’t a constant state.  I wonder if it could be more often than not though.

I wonder if most people are generally happy and consistently satisfied.  Probably not.  I always feel surprised when I find out people I’ve thought had it all, have real life dramas and insecurities as well.

I don’t think people are superficial.  Well, some are but not all.  In fact it seems like I know a lot more people who are poorer but extremely superficial as opposed to well off and/or rich and superficial.

There is surely something about having money that feels good as we all know.  Security and stability probably.  Spending it… the release of those feel good chemicals… brain happy… we’re socialized and conditioned to love money.  Really have no choice but to love something that gives you survival and allows culture to exist more or less based on its exchange.  It’s actually kind of bizarre to think of the world without an exchange of money, living on a basis of commerce.  Buy, sell, buy, sell.

Thoughts.  Mental chatter.  Spent a lot of time at one point recording it, especially the negative in order to counter it.  Thoughts are so fast.  1/100 of a second.  There and gone.  But affecting one immensely.

It’s such a fine balance.  Obsessive thinking is one of my horrible habits.  Though get stuck in brain and sticks damn well.  Lately I attempt to make myself more aware when I get stuck on something that is no good for me.  Snap out of it!  Concentrate on the cracks in the sidewalk if you have to!  As my mind is my worst enemy learning how to turn it on and off is an important lesson.  When something is going wrong, often the more you focus on it the bigger it becomes.  Guess that is why there’s that saying about making mountains out of mole hills.


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