I already done most of the weeding out of people I don’t need in my life.  The only problem is I end up inviting more in that probably will need to be weeded out at some point.  Not that people are disposable to me, but I just notice that sometimes… I let the wrong individual in knowing from the get go that it is probably a bad idea.

Sometimes I feel there is one person who still needs to go, but at the same time, I feel that maybe we just have a strange relationship at times and that’s just that because obviously I still keep this person around for a reason and I do feel that I get a lot from them, but at the same time they can be draining as well.  But after 15 years can you really say goodbye to a person just because things aren’t always perfect?

In the meantime I’ve had to weed out old friends and even had to weed out family.  The family aspect can be hard.  We’re taught that we’re supposed to love and respect our family but it’s kinda hard to do that when you don’t get the same returned to you.  If it were actually a painful process maybe I would rethink it more, but it’s actually not.  Hard yes.  Painful no.  And since it is not painful, I also know that it is the right thing to do.

Things… I’ve gotten less picky about holding onto things, material objects, just because.  I’d even venture to say that most everything I have in my house, I have it because I love it, I want it, and/or it means something to me in some way.  It isn’t just stuff filling up space.

There are things though asking to be decluttered that I just haven’t done yet.  There’s a drawer of makeup that needs to just be tossed.  I was going to see if there was anybody I could give it away to but honestly I would have to find a lot of people heh.  It is from my days when I used to buy any pretty little thing that caught my eye to boost my spirits.

It took me a looong time to get rid of the “throw” I began working on when I was around 17.  Every night when I lived still at mom’s I would bead a little piece of the design.  I haven’t worked on it in years and years but instead kept it tucked away like some kind of treasure until one day a month or two ago I got it out, really looked at it, realized I would never finish it and to some degree thought, “damn, that was ugly.”  I took some scissors and cut out the main beading to throw in my memory chest.  I realized it was more about the memories associated with it for me now than it was finishing the ugly beaded throw.

I’ve tried to clean out my memory chest before.  Just of things, well some things relating to bad times, things from my teen years that make me cringe a wee bit.  But I can’t.  They are a part of who I am, something that tells my story, even the parts that I don’t necessarily like.  I can’t remove the stuff that is in there.  It carries a huge, huge part of my past that only I can understand what every bit means.  Although… I am highly considering paying someone to burn it for me when I die LOL.  Or if I live to be ripe, I might just burn it myself then to be safe.

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