Instincts

After suffering from anxiety, it is kinda hard to trust your intuition again.  My “intuition” has foretold so much doom and gloom since it went off track to suddenly perceive everything as a threat.  I know, anxiety and intuition are not the same thing, but they do get skewed together when you become a bizarrely anxious person.

What’s real intuition?  What is your mind fucking with you?  It’s almost becomes a type of game you play with yourself.  Reality vs what ifs.  I used to be able to trust my intuition about things, but now I just don’t know.  There have no been times when I’ve had to tell what feels like my “intuition” to stfu… because I know it is wrong.  I guess knowing it is wrong is my real intuition eh? lol

I try to listen to my intuition about it all… what do I need right now?  What if I really listen?  What is it telling me?

Putting all the what ifs aside… putting all the I needs… that arent’ really needs… all the I shoulds… what is it that I truly need to do right now to take the best possible care of myself that I can.  Every bit of me is just saying slow down.  If i close my eyes and visualize it is just one giant stop sign.  And that part of my intuition I know is right.  Slow down.  And stop.  Stop trying to do everything at once.  The voice inside of me tells me there is plenty of time.  Do the things you need to do and let the stuff there is plenty of time for wait.  In this case it is the opposite of what you would probably think.

What is important right now is my family, my home, my environment.  The exact opposite of everything I’ve been focusing on… wearing myself out with.

Slow down, slow down.  All I hear in my head and I know it is right.  It isn’t frought with anxiety but coming from my heart.  Telling me to make the decisions I need to make and telling me to JUST LET GO.  No forever maybe, but for right now.  Just let go.  Stop.  Slow down.  Let Go.  Enjoy something.  Figure out the things that weigh heavily.  Breathe.

I can do this.

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