Talking to Stones

If I could talk to anyone… honestly it would be various members of my family.  I believe that they hold the key to why I am who I am, why I am the way that I am.  The more that I learn about the little things, about myself, the more I wonder how much of it is contained within my family history… just how much control I really have over my destiny.  How much is nature… and how much is nurture.

And there used to be one person, I thought if I talked to them again it would suddenly all make sense.  Well it doesn’t really work that way if the conversation sucks.  You can’t really just pull the topic up that you want to pull up in the midst of stupid small talk.  Is it weird to secretly hope that they will randomly blow your mind by bringing it up for you?  Even if you know they won’t…   It’s just like, PISS ME OFF!  MAKE ME SAD!  UPSET ME!  SAY IT MOTHERFUCKER.  And I swear if I’m not laying in bed some nights thinking that wondering if they’re laying somewhere else thinking the exact same thing.  Heh.

This is what happens when you have left important things unsaid.

**

On a completely different topic… b/c I liked both writing prompts..

One thing that I have always kept is a small smooth stone.  When I moved to a new school in 5th grade the first few weeks I was really lonely.  I was the new girl and I didn’t know anybody and I was alone a lot.  One day I was sitting out on the swings and I picked up a small stone that was very smooth.  It felt very warm.  I picked it up and started rubbing it between my fingers like a worry stone.  It became my worry stone.  I st on the swing and “told” the rock all my problems, all my fears… mentally.  When recess was over instead of throwing the rock back down I put it in my pocket and carried it with me.

I felt like the rock had given me strength.  I felt like it was something that could give me strength.  I’ve kept this rock all this time.  It symbolizes something to me.

It symbolizes strength, being grounded, something about the smoothness.. that the rock seems to possess a warm and comforting energy.  I don’t really understand what attracted me to the stone but I feel like it possesses some kind of energy I was meant to find 15 years ago.

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