This is how the drawing class goes.

He lectures for a few or gives us details or shows us how to do something.

I sit on that uncomfortable drawing bench, open  my paper, rearrange my supplies, and stare at my paper for like 10 minutes.

I draw a box.  Or something.  I stare at it.

I attempt to start the assignment.  It feels like doing algebra.

I ultimately don’t get something.  I have to have him walk me through it.

I try it again.  I think I have it.

Prof walks by again and points out how it is wrong.

I spend 10 minutes erasing something to kill time.

My attempts slowly get more half assed.

I hope the dude next to me doesn’t mind curse words, b/c he gets to hear me mumble “fuck” at least once every half hour.

It pisses me off that there are people in that class who clearly “get it” beyond just… what they should dammit.

Some people don’t seem to get why it is hard for me.   I can’t explain it.  It has to be the way we’re being taught.  As I said, I like my prof but he is also one of those people that it just comes so easily to him and he’s been doing his thing so long, that it doesn’t even dawn on him how someone else might struggle.  It’s one those things where he’s not blowing through things even when showing you 1 on 1 to be a dick, it’s just he doesn’t even have to think about what he’s doing, meanwhile someone like me has a brain that feels like it needs to process every single line to understand it.

I can’t visualize things that aren’t there into space.  Once upon a time I could draw, not great, but decently but I never did it from the void that is supposed to be my imagination.  I need to see this shit in front of me.  Drawing from one’s imagination is something I believed would be like… way beyond Drawing Fundamentals I, not Drawing Fundamentals I.

I’m already so frustrated with it.

And then everything else that is going on, that I haven’t detailed.  I do that a lot… they show up in nonsensical rants here that seem to have come out of nowhere but they didn’t.  I just don’t feel like posting anything sometimes but the bluntness of how I feel.

20 minutes ago was the first time I’ve eaten in literally 2 full days.  I am stressed the fuck out.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Natalie
    May 21, 2010 @ 04:36:42

    Oi. How often do you have to suffer through that?? Sounds horribly painful. 😦


  2. Raychela
    May 22, 2010 @ 08:00:46

    Drawing I is 6 weeks, 4 days a week, 3 hours and 15 minutes a day.
    Drawing II will also be 6 weeks, 4 days a week, 3 hours and 15 minutes a day.

    I am so kicking myself for not taking these during the regular semester but I just didn’t know that I would struggle like this! I am scared to death of not doing well enough.


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