It’s Time for Another Year of…

I just went back and scanned some of my previous Thanksgiving related posts from the past couple years.  I was actually looking to see if I listed my usual cooking fare anywhere as I am brain dead this year about what I usually make thanks to my routine being thrown off last year.  What I found instead was the predictability of the holiday season every.damn.year.

And by that I mean the drama.

This year was no different.  It started in the beginning of October with my dad harassing me non stop about what we were going to do for Thanksgiving.  Then my mother would give no one an answer if she was going to do anything for Thanksgiving.  My siblings can’t seem to make up their mind about things.  And I wasn’t even thinking about it.

Finally about 2 weeks ago I had enough.  No one still had any idea about Thanksgiving plans.  Do you have any idea how sick of this I get?  It made me miss living in Wisconsin, where it was just me and my husband and MIL.  There was never any questions.  We had Thanksgiving at my home.

So this year I decided to quit playing these games with people.  Thanksgiving is at my home.  We’re eating at 2 pm.  My sister, husband, nephew, brother, and dad are invited.  My mom couldn’t make up her mind and since she won’t step foot anywhere 20 miles from my dad, it’s not like she could have been invited.  My brother has some grand delusion that our family somehow has a tradition of going to my mom’s.  I don’t know where he got this from, since last year was the first year since I’ve been 17 that we had Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving Day at my mom’s house and that was only because it was my nephew’s first Thanksgiving.

Deciding this and sticking to my guns to have it at my house released a large weight from my shoulders.

And then my sister called me yesterday, to tell me my mom suddenly wanted to make plans.  I froze.  I listened without saying a word as she rambled on for about 5 minutes about my mom telling her that she could more or less just fit us in at some particular point because she had to go ahead and put her husband’s family first.

You know, I’ll admit I have mommy issues… but time has put me past them.  And time has also put me past playing the game of constantly being reminded that I belong to two divorced parents.  My entire childhood/teen years were spent being shuffled around on the holidays.  I refuse to do anymore shuffling.  I refuse to not create traditions that are important to me because a few members of my family thinks we should still abide by their traditions, which essentially put other family ahead of other family… so on and so forth.  I didn’t feel much of a sting of any guilt when my sister was telling me the story of my mother’s new found Thanksgiving drama when she realized that she was not going to be a part of our Thanksgiving Day celebrations and quite honestly… we were all also sick of her picking a random day for us to celebrate Thanksgiving and doing it then.  Sorry, but it just isn’t Thanksgiving if it isn’t on the actual day.

I realize that marriages and new family members entering the equation makes the situation different for every family.  I’ve never contested that fact… but wouldn’t you think that after all these years this family would have figured a way to work out?

Apparently not.

I have many roles, but it is time to let some roles go.  The child of divorced parents is now one of those roles I am letting go, especially when it comes to holiday traditions.  Sure there is always going to be the factor that my parents will never set foot in a room with each other.  But when it comes to me catering to that role now in my adult life?  I’m over it.

I honestly don’t feel bitter if some family prefers to spend time with other family instead of finding a way to all come together.  That is their decision.  But me?  I’m gonna try to find a way to come together as much as possible… if people don’t want to or can’t, I am not gonna hurt from it.  My traditions go on.

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