je suis fatiguée.

/obligatory end of semester whine post

Taking my French final today was not the relief that I had hoped for.  It was little comfort to realize that I probably needed to continue studying French pretty hardcore over winter break in order to not forget things just learned and still grasp the things I struggled with over the course of the semester.  The realization that I have 3 more semesters of it is enough to make me want to vomit.   What is frustrating is the knowledge that I could have easily graduated this year if it wasn’t for that dang foreign language requirement.  But… what is the point in graduating when you still have things to do to tie up lose ends or fulfill various other requirements for further goals and what have you…

I’ve had a 48 hour headache over that French final.  I hope it starts to subside now.

I can’t think about the upcoming semester without feeling my brain attempt to grow legs to escape (maybe that’s what that headache is all about hmm ha) and strike out to a life where it isn’t forced to think in ways it isn’t good at thinking in.  So I’m just not going to think about it.  Not right now anyways.  What good is a break if you spend it freaking out about what is to come?  I am hoping that I will eventually feel refreshed enough that all that is ahead of me doesn’t seem so daunting.

*sigh* It is pouring buckets out.  In December.  Where is my snow?  I want it to look like Christmas!  I guess though, I should be grateful for rain right now, I have Christmas shopping to finish and if the roads were icy and snowy I would be bitching and moaning because I am too much of a wuss to drive in any fresh snow.  I hate that I can’t remember the last time it was all snowy and wintery like around Christmas.  I live in the Midwest.  There is no reason there shouldn’t be snow in December.  And yet lately, it seems we still manage near 50 degree days in freaking December.  Was it always like this and I just don’t remember?  I swear at some point in my life there used to be snow in December….

My mind keeps floating back to what a bust this semester felt like.  I had to take some bruises thanks to taking on too much.  And yet I’m going to attempt to take on MORE next semester.  In order to do so I will not have any other option but to become a person more in control of my time.  I live to procrastinate so this will all be quite interesting.

I think I need like a week of intense meditation… a massage…. and copious amounts of other things that makes me forget what might happen several weeks from now.  But in the meantime, I’ve got a family get together to worry about this weekend.  My baking and cooking and making shit mode is nowhere near recovered enough right now for such an event.  I have one more thing to accomplish this evening.  Then let’s hope a few days will recover me enough for the holiday get-togethers.



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