RIP Bugs =(((((((((

Today my dad had to have his golden retriever put to sleep.  She had 12 years on this earth.  He got her as a puppy shortly before I moved in with him as a teenager.  Once I moved in she was essentially my dog.  I always took her out, I played with her, and she often slept at my feet every night.  She used to get so excited when she saw me that she would wag her tail so furiously that her entire body was just a whimpering shaking mass of dog happy.

I remember me and my sister used to lay on the floor and play with her when she was a puppy and she would attack our hair and it would make us laugh…and laugh….

I remember her as an itty bitty puppy and when we would be over there late at night and she would just conk out on the floor and just be a tiny mass of warm soft golden fur and puppy belly.

And she used to have this sheet that she carried around like a security blanket, it was one of the cutest things ever.

I taught her how to sit and shake using crackers when she was a puppy.  She picked it up almost right away.

Dad named her Lady but somehow it turned into “Bugs” and “Buggy”…I suppose from Lady somehow turning into Lady Bug…I don’t even know anymore lol

Dad has had a really horrible 6 months or so.  His dad died, his best friend died, he lost his job (which was his fault but still sucky timing and all), he lost his apartment, he had to give his little dog back to his ex, and now Lady was put to sleep this afternoon.  He moved back in with my grandma and my grandma has this weird house where you are either upstairs or downstairs….either way you have to go up or down stairs to get out and Bug’s hips were so bad that she just couldn’t navigate the steps and was in pain.  The last time I saw her was when my dad had her at grandma’s during grandpa’s funeral and she looked so bad.  I don’t think my dad saw it because he watched her progress to a very old dog but I hadn’t seen her in a while at that point and she looked so old and could barely walk and just looked like her time was near.  Little did I know how near.

My dad keeps calling and talking about her and I feel so sad for him.  I know how much he loved that dog.  I think if I had the money I would buy him a new puppy… not that it would replace Bugs… but because I don’t want him to feel so lonely.

I’ve been very pokerface when talking on the phone with him about her and I hope he doesn’t think that I don’t care but I just don’t want to get emotional about it over the phone with him because it won’t make him feel any better.  I just listen to what he has to say and keep telling him things that I think will help him feel better.

Losing a pet sucks.  There’s always a part of me that thinks about losing my fur creatures that live with me one day and I think about how painful it will be and it sometimes feels like, “well damn there is already enough pain and loss in this life, why do we add more by bringing these little creatures into our homes and falling in love with them and then have to say goodbye before we are ever ready?”  And of course it is a dumb question because the answer is so obvious… the love and joy that they give us is worth the pain of losing them.

Bugs hasn’t been “my” dog for quite some time so it isn’t quite as painful for me as it could have been… but I did find myself crying and I fleshed out some plans of doing something nice for my dad over a text with my sister.  The biggest part of my sadness just comes for my dad, I want something to go right for him, he’s had so much crap handed to him in such a short time that honestly, if it were me?  I dunno man… I probably would have found a damned hole to crawl in and just died at this point but my dad keeps trucking on.

Dad had the vet come to my grandma’s to do it.  I am glad she left this earth in some place familiar because she HATED going to the vet’s office.

I’m sad.  I’m tired.  I want something good to happen for my dad.  I am going to put on soft comfy pajamas and try to find some old Bug pics to give my dad.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mayor Gia
    Jan 11, 2012 @ 03:03:05

    Ohh I’m so sorry. 😦


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