a brain dump

Our anniversary was indeed quiet and spent at home.  Nothing fussy this year.  We spent time together and I made us a nice dinner.  My darling husband did however get me a gift which I did not ask for or expect.

I have had a liking for heart shaped rings for several years.  I actually have a couple… a cheapo one I found that I thought was pretty and didn’t mind wearing.  Then my MIL actually got me a small gold and ruby one one year for Christmas.  But my husband clearly had to do outdo himself.  He presented a box wrapped in… aluminum foil (???? lmao…apparently this is what happens when wrapping paper is not on hand) to me and I opened it up to find a gorgeous gorgeous ring.  A large heart shaped ruby, surrounded by itty bitty diamonds, gold band.  It is gorgeous.  The ruby is cut so beautifully, it just sparkles in the light.  I wore it to the store to grab something real quick after he gave it to me and couldn’t stop staring at it sparkling in under the fluorescent lights.  I really really didn’t expect any jewelry, let alone something like this but I decided to just shut up and enjoy the gift instead of worrying about costs and crap.  I really wanted to post a picture of it on Facebook after I got it, and even though Facebook is kind of about attention whoring lol… I didn’t want to look like said attention whore.  It’s hard not to be like, “look at my pretty” though haha.

So why is there no picture here?  Because at the moment the pic is on my phone, and I don’t feel like uploading it from phone to anywhere because finding 4g coverage to actually do so in my house can be tricky.

This week has been Spring break and the weather has been slightly springy although it is supposed to drop through out the day and then be down to 39 on Friday before shooting back up to 50 by Saturday and then next week hitting close to 70 several days.  I just want it to be here to stay.  I recently purchased a small greenhouse shelving thing to put on the porch and can’t wait to get started on growing some various flowers/plants to further decorate my yard with.  I am absolutely thrilled that the tulips and hyacinth bulbs that I planted in the fall are already starting to come up!  I only regret planting them all at once, I should have planted some every week or so, so that I would get a longer season out of them.  My luck they will all come up at once and be done before Spring barely starts.

I want to get some summer bulbs to plant so I will have some of those coming up through out the summer.  I did have some that I bought on clearance last year and my dumb ass store them in a plastic bag.  Gee, what do you think happens when you store something with moisture in it in a plastic bag?  Needless to say they were ruined when I pulled them out last week and I could not understand why I didn’t realize what a dumb idea it was to put them in a plastic bag last summer.  I really like bulb flowers because they seem pretty fool proof, although planting them can be a bit of a bitch when you’re digging little holes by hand in clay soil.

I know that spending money on things like bulbs, perennials, etc is questionable when you live in a place you don’t own but I can’t not take advantage of living in the country in a house, especially my first full spring here.  I mean if we move in the future I could always dig them up if I were desperate lol  I just want to create that environment I was never able to in apartment living.  I’ve always been inspired my entire life by the gardens that my maternal grandparents have kept.  My grandmother kept the most exquisite flower gardens and I miss them so.  She even had her own little bulb storage in a large shed, if she wanted to plant something new she’d just go in there and get whatever she wanted.  And their vegetable garden was legendary.  And a small orchard of apple and cherry trees behind their house.  They are still living, but things are just way scaled back now that they are getting quite old.  I often wonder what will happen to their home and property when they pass… I have so many great memories there….

But anyways… my own flower gardens.  Bulbs… I absolutely want some dahlias, irises, gladiolus, and ranunculus.  Flower seeds for my greenhouse I haven’t even thought about yet, so many possibilities!

Last year, before we even signed the lease, our landlord told me that he would till me up a garden for veggies and such if I wanted.  I am going to see if he will hold true to that promise.  I do not have the desire for anything large when it comes to a garden, just something where I can plant some tomatoes, green beans, possibly cabbage, strawberries and zucchini.  And herbs.  I’ve always been obsessed with herbs.  I usually grow them out of containers.

So basically right now I am only existing for spring/summer so I can spend most of my time outdoors cultivating stuff.  My plants are actually a really big deal to me.  I discovered how attached I can get to things when a few winters back my first hibiscus tree died.  I tried my damndest to nurse that thing back to health but eventually had to admit defeat and I actually felt a bit sad that I had failed it.

***

I’m trying my hardest to make my life more than about school.  I need to make it more than about school.  It’s only a matter of time until I am finally fucking done with that undergraduate degree.  Because no matter what happens in this life, that I am at least getting.  Doesn’t matter what I have to do to get it.  Doesn’t matter if it takes me 20 years lol

I’ve found myself spending a lot of time in spaces that inspire me lately.  I haven’t acted on anything past that, I’ve just been absorbing the energy and listening to what my heart and soul are telling me.  I feel secure in the idea that my life’s work is about incorporating some measure of creativity.  I don’t know yet exactly how it will all be implemented, but that is why I am listening.  I trust that it will all unfold for me.

Right now I am more about creating a philosophy for my life than anything.  I’ve really started paying attention to energy.  My energy, the energy of others.  Gaining back everything I lost when I got involved in the world of anxiety and freaking the fuck out over everything.

A couple months ago I started yoga back up again.  I had begun practicing yoga last year but I never got deeply involved with it and then Ki got sick, the neighbors started stressing me out, we moved and everything went to hell.  But the beginning of the year I decided to start again.  And now?  It has become so vastly important in my life that I don’t even have words for it.  I finally get how some people can love certain types of exercise so much… runners get runner’s high…I get yoga high.  I’ve been sore as shit the past couple of weeks and I know I should take a break for a couple days but I can’t even do that because I am drawn to do it every day.  It balances me.  And I’m starting to find that strength from my core and just feeling strong all over and it feels fucking fantastic.  I’ve been telling some people about it and when I get the “isn’t yoga just about balance?” comments I want to choke a mofo out lol

Now that I’ve got the yoga back in my life, I really really want to go back to adding meditation to it as well.  Even if it is just 20 minutes a day. I want to go through the journey.  I really am opening up to the idea that it is possible for me to achieve something higher in this life.

I am also really really happy to have been finding people who I share similar ideals with.  I kind of had to move away from all the things that I’m not to realize what I am.  If you’re constantly surrounded by all the things that you are not, or that remind you what you don’t have or tell you what you should have, it is nearly impossible to realize who you are, what you want, and all the things that you have to be filled with gratitude about.

 

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Natalie
    Mar 09, 2012 @ 11:29:12

    I really wish I had the time to garden again…. it will be so nice to get back into that when I don’t have a really little one running around. I think a small garden sounds like a good idea right now. LOL

    you MUST post a picture of that ring!!

    Reply

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