learning from letdowns

Yesterday=crappy day.  No matter what I do to try to make everything go smoothly for Christmas, something always has to turn into frustration somewhere.

This time the photo lab I used (and used is definitely the key word here, I won’t be using them again after this, 2nd issue I’ve had and it will be the last) sent my pictures to the wrong address.  According to the delivery confirmation they were marked delivered and then undeliverable so I have absolutely no idea what happened to them or where they might be at this time.  I tried calling the lab to inform them of their mistake…got an answering service.  Tried calling the USPS customer service to find out if I could find what happened, if they went back to the post office… sat the phone down and was still on hold almost an hour later so gave up on that.

The whole thing was driving me completely nuts,  more so than it probably should.  If it was just my stuff I don’t think I would care so much.  But something that was a gift for someone else to give was in there and that is what is really bothering me, because I assured them oh yeah I can get that by Christmas Eve and now… yeahhhhh.  I called the local post office where I think the package was sent back to (if it was really marked undeliverable) and left a message for them explaining the situation and giving them the tracking number so hopefully they will call me back tomorrow morning.

Just in case I sent the picture file of the one I really needed by tomorrow to a local lab.  I called them and asked them if they could guarantee it by Christmas Eve but they couldn’t be 100% sure but I figured it was worth the shot.  More annoying, they didn’t offer 7x10s, making the only dimensions that would work for me that they offered 8×12. The first mat was cut wrong for the other frame.  I picked up yet another frame just in case. And just aoeruoeljadflasdlfjdasfjsdfdslifjadsfjasdflisfuck.  I still get mad thinking about it.

The top row is how I’ve been dealing with this situation.  Being utterly consumed by it.  Especially yesterday… I was being the world’s biggest bitch to people who didn’t even deserve it just because I was having a shitty day.   And I don’t want to be that way.  Not about this, not about anything.  It’s absolutely the opposite of everything I have wanted to “work on” achieving for myself as far as learning to be a more patient, calm, loving, present person.  I absolutely hate it when people walk around with a chip on their shoulder, huffy and puffy, acting like the world owes them something and yet that is what I was doing yesterday and that has definitely not been the first time.

On the plus side, I guess at least I can acknowledge how wrong I was for letting myself be consumed by negativity.  Even yesterday the light within me was saying “you don’t have to be this way”… and yet I was still choosing to be negative.  It can be hard.  I think sometimes being all ragey feels good because you are dispelling that negative energy in a way, but the way that I was choosing to dispel it only made it so I was also putting it into the universe.  So nothing light and positive was coming back my way.

Really I was mostly upset b/c I felt like I was letting other people down and I was completely not in control of the situation in any format at all.  Two things in and of themselves that need worked on.

When I have absolutely no control over a situation at all, well I’d rather just not even think about it because it goes one of two ways:  I obsess about it or I feel helpless and kind of roll over and die so to speak.

Not wanting to let people down definitely has positive aspects to it.  Sometimes it keeps me going in situations I have lost motivation for.  Like my Research Methods class… the fact that so much of it was group work kept me going when I think at times I would have considered quitting because I just didn’t want to let those people down.  But sometimes it has negative aspects, like not being able to tell people no.  Or taking something as being a personal failure even if the situation is totally beyond my control.

All I had to do was make a phone call and say “The printing company sent the order to the wrong address, I may not have the photo by Monday however I will send it to you as soon as I have it.”  That is all I had to do.  But instead I felt like it reflected badly on me.  I actually did finally do that today, because I realized I just needed to instead of waiting till the last minute, in case things didn’t work out… and I just needed to do that for me.  To prove it wasn’t going to be as big as a deal as I had made it out to be in my head.  And guess what?  It wasn’t.  It was kind of an “oh…. well shit happens” kind of things.

Writing this all out makes me realize how my thought processes are often not correct lol  However it is interesting to see how they work so I can continue to focus on changing these things that I don’t like.

I want to learn how to just… own the shit out of every experience I have, even negative ones.  Learn how to let them flow over me, to be unaffected.

Oh wow!  Thanks for making this a Best of Holidailies 2012 post guys!  


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