time is going by

in hyperspeed lately.  I feel like I blink and another day is gone.  I don’t like it.  Sometimes I wish time was some linear force where a minute felt like every other  minute… an hour like every other hour… a day like every other day.  But sometimes I”m extremely grateful that it isn’t like that as well.  I just hate that there appears to be much truth of time speeding up considerably each year older you are.  I recognize it even more now that most of my friends and sister have kids.  I’ll probably recognize it even more, if that is even possible, when I have kids.  I mean Tristin will be 4 this year.  What…………the…………fuck?  How did that happen?  Next year he’ll be starting kindergarten?  What?  Just.freaking.what?

Tonight I am finishing up my first week of P90x.  And eating better.  But the P90x is most notable b/c it is hard as fuck.  Right now my legs and butt burns so much from last night that I’m kind of wondering how I’ll finish my workout tonight.  I’m under no illusion, I know I’ll probably never have my 18 year old body back,  but I am ever so hopeful that maybe I can kind of sorta have my 24 year old body back.   I felt like such a hypocrite telling Ki how he needed to get healthy and work on getting in shape when I could clearly take my own advice.  Still battling with AD weight sucks.  And it sucks worse because it made my PCOS issues resurface, and as anybody who deals with it knows… once you gain enough weight that it sparks them, good luck taking the weight off to lose them.  But seriously, if P90x doesn’t do something for me, I am just fucked for life because I have never done anything that has me flopping around on the floor at the end wanting to die.

We are going to go look at the house down the road when Ki gets off work.  I keep asking him if he is serious about this and he is telling me if it means more room he is definitely serious.  Me thinks he is tired of sharing an ‘office space’,  which also doubles as our living room, with me 😉



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