i have a confession

I think I am having a bit of a depressive episode… no uncommon at all in the winter months.  I need to start using my blue light again, it was making me feel so much better.  I am so grateful Spring will be coming soon.  There’s a local tavern that is keeping track on their sign how many days until Spring.  Driving by it gives me some hope, heh.

I didn’t even go to painting this week.  So I’m massively behind.  I’ll have to go in or just go in and grab my canvas and bring it home.  I’m sure I could find something to act as an easel.  Sitting in there for 6 hours doesn’t really appeal to me in order to catch up.

And I’ve been sleeping for a bazillion hours, but it just feels so damn good.  Like sleep or just cuddling with my kitten or dog… best thing ever.  It makes me happy at least.


Speaking of the kitten… she did good getting spayed.  Her incision is healing.  The other baby girl… well ummm imagine the moment of awkwardness when the spay clinic calls later that morning after I drop them off and informs me that “Abby” is actually a male.  I figured it could very well happen so I wasn’t all that surprised when they told me… even earlier that morning I had picked ‘her’ up to look again and I just could not tell. The other brothers are very obviously males… I think “Abby” had a bit of an uhhh undescended problem.  But they ended up offering to neuter him at the price that I was getting the spay for so I told them to go for it.  So it turns out Moki was the only female kitten of that entire litter… I guess Slinky was good at making boys b/c that first litter that died were both boys and then this litter was 4 boys and 1 girl.  “Abby” is now “Abba Zaba”

Abba Zaba… you my only friend


We have the key to the house now…  they still have to come back to finish a few things up.  Earlier tonight I was all like, I don’t want to move fully in until they finish it all and then I realized… wait if they are going to be gone all weekend that isn’t going to work… because we were planning on moving the big stuff this weekend……..

I’m just unable to be that excited at the moment because of this depression thing and the fact that I feel exhausted just thinking about moving.  Once we’re all over there I imagine being quite happy with the whole thing.  It’s just gonna be so crazy how much space we’re gonna have.  I still can’t get over that.  It will be so weird not have everything crammed into such small spaces.  I’m gonna do a happy jig about that for sure once I see everything in its proper space and then realize I still have all that extra room.

I’m wondering if I should go over there and smudge the house this morning before we start moving things in.  It doesn’t have a bad feeling energy to it or anything but some of the bedrooms do seem to have a heavier feeling… I think because they didn’t totally redo those so they might be carrying some residual energy that needs cleared out.  I would like to get my altar set up asap too… because it gives a place of calm centering.  I don’t know if I know where I packed my singing bowl or I could probably just do it with sound.  I’ll clear this space before we leave it for good too… I did that with the apartment and felt really good that I did.


I’ve been working out nearly everyday for the past couple weeks.  It feels good.  This week has been hard though… again…. because of the depression issue.  But it is something I’m sticking with because it is majorly important to me at this point in my life.


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