This Thanksgiving was bittersweet I suppose. On one hand I felt extremely blessed for many reasons. Such as having my family all come together to celebrate the day, my MIL visiting for Thanksgiving this year, Ki feeling good, having lots of yummy food that didn’t feel rushed at all this year, forgetting momentarily the difficulties we are facing.

And on the other hand… that deep well of grief lingered. Realizing that compared to my thankfulness for this year, I had somehow taken for granted the Thanksgivings of previous years. The realization that I had just always assumed that it was going to be a certain way, that every thing would be the same every year. I suppose we all do it. But then things happen in life that remind you that you do it and it feels like you somehow missed the importance of every previous time you had a chance to hold something really dear. It just feels like no matter what, now that you know, you couldn’t go back and do it enough if you tried to.

I had to stop myself, reminding myself what difference did it make to wonder/worry what next year’s Thanksgiving would be like. In fact, beyond the next day or so, if I think any further.. it feels like somebody punched me in the gut because I truly do not know what is going to happen and how things are going to be. I have realized that I have always taken for granted this idea of thinking of the future as being okay and secure and now I truly realize that it is an unpredictable force. And you can’t live in it because it will terrify you constantly.

Every single day that is “good” I send a prayer of gratitude to the universe. It means more than it ever has, although it always should have meant so much. I am happy that the walls of my house were awash with happiness and laughter that day. I truly believe the energy we carry and others bring penetrate the walls of where we call home. I want as much happiness and laughter in mine as possible.

I also find myself thinking, that the people we love in our lives, it doesn’t matter how many times we tell them that we love them, how much time we spend with them, how much gratitude we have for them you always feel like there should be more love, more time, more showing them how much they mean to you… even if you did it every second of every single day, it would never be enough. Life now has an even more sacred quality to it that it didn’t have before. And now it always will, no matter what happens. I guess if there is any gift in all of this, there it is… I no longer find myself taking average ordinary days for granted. I have so much gratitude for all that is around me.

Thank you so much for making this a Best of Holidailies 2013 selection!!!

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Paula Kaye
    Dec 04, 2013 @ 19:02:22

    Your post spoke to me today…..sounds like we are facing some huge battles together. Sending you a {hug}

    Smidgens, Snippets, & Bits


  2. Doris
    Dec 04, 2013 @ 21:35:13

    It is a curious thing how when things are precarious we think about the future that may not be and yet at other times we do not give thought to it. I think it is hard to find that balance because I agree with you that whatever we have is still not enough when we want to express our love and gratitude. In the end I suppose it just has to emanate from our heart and then we let it go.
    Hugs xxx


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: