addiction rx

Tonight an old friend who nowadays is really more of an acquaintance confided to me her closely guarded secret she had been keeping for the past year.  After telling me that she and her husband had separated and I probed why, she told me that they had both become addicted to Oxycontin and other pain pills.

I was not shocked.  Not even a little.

Her life has been marred by addiction.  I have known her for, oh geez, next year will mark 20 yrs we have known each other.  In those 20, 16 of those years she has battled some kind of addiction.  You can see why I am not surprised by her admission.

Her addiction issues is what really woke up me up to how hardwired certain people can be to end up addicts.  Toss in some shitty life incidents for those people who are already hard wired and it is the perfect storm.

I wished her well in her recovery, but… well some may call me rather pessimistic but I prefer the term realist… I do not believe she will recover.   I wish her love.  I wish her light.  I wish her healing.  I send all of those things to her, but I know that she needs to find all those things within in order begin her recovery.  And I also know in her situation, where her brain is so highly wired towards addiction, she must be completely straight edge for the rest of her life in order to avoid addiction.  I know that she has never viewed that as an option and I don’t think she ever will, hence her recovery is doomed from the start.  I have never once seen someone with addiction issues attempt to moderate the substance they abuse and remain successful.

The thing that kills me though is that she has children and they have never not known life with parents who weren’t addicts.  I feel almost certain that they are likely to go on to repeat the pain patterns that have thrown their parents’ lives into turmoil.    I just think about how those poor babies have been deprived of so much and deserve so much better.  My heart just aches for them.  I guess I don’t understand how you can look at your children, and do that to them.  Put pills before your babies.  It doesn’t make any sense to me whatsoever.

My generation and ones after it are suffering an epidemic of prescription drug abuse.  I have known people who have died from abusing prescription drugs and many more who have destroyed their lives with them.  I see stronger and stronger pain meds being given out, hear about more and more doctors becoming crooked and becoming dealers for the right price to the right patients.  It’s a really disturbing trend.

My acquaintance’s automatic reaction was to blame her husband, since he was first in possession of pain pills for a back injury.  But he didn’t put them in her hand, he didn’t force her to swallow them.  Since there is not yet any personal responsibility, again… I don’t hold very high hopes for her recovery.  What I have learned about addiction and ending it is… you can’t do it for your husband, your children, your mom, your dad, the neighbors, your church… any of that.  You have to be willing to do it for yourself.  Until you are the only person you care about saving and sparing… sparing your children or your family is never going to be enough, because your heart isn’t really in it if it isn’t for you.  Addiction begins with selfish choices.  Ironically enough it can also end with what you could call selfish choices (but of course they are really not), putting yourself first… loving yourself first.  I don’t think people realize you have to love yourself and respect yourself in order to love and respect other people to the full extent of your ability.  To end addiction one must heal all the things that they are attempting to cover up with their addiction.  It is an immense undertaking.  I understand why people so often fail.  I just wish it didn’t have to be that way.  Life is hard, no doubt.  But in the end, we are all still responsible for our own choices.  And though I am supportive of any steps she takes towards actual recovery, I am glad I have kept my distance over the past year and will continue to do so.  The only way I can support our friendship again is if she is 100% clean.

Advertisements

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Paula Kaye
    Dec 06, 2013 @ 04:47:07

    I have a son with addiction problems. He has been battling for 16 years at best. It is the same with him…never his fault. Always something or someone else to blame. And doesn’t believe that he has to change his friends to get well. He can just say NO. Too bad he can’t. I am raising his kids (been with me for the past 5 years) and I pray that they will grow up and be allright. The therapist tells us it is a 50-50 chance with their history and their parents that they too will become users. Very, very sad. I wish your friend the best.

    Smidgens, Snippets, & Bits

    Reply

    • Raychela
      Dec 06, 2013 @ 09:59:05

      So sorry to hear that your son battles addiction. It has been so hard to watch a friend go through it, I can only imagine watching your own child go through it ((hugs)). Many blessings to you for taking care of his children, hopefully your influence will override the any issues caused by their history. Just keep reminding them that they are always responsible for the choices they make in life and they don’t have to become statistics based on their past. Love and light!

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: