the annual end of the year review

What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

Moved into the largest home that we have lived in together as a couple. I did p90x… for a good while. Had to personally bury a pet that meant very much to me (like literally bury it, put it in the ground, not just lose a pet). Conquered my public speaking course. Took a painting class. Made a lot of paintings. Painted a self portrait. Rocked a presentation which I gave mostly of the top of my head. Flew to Chicago. Flew to Boston. Stayed in a big ass fancy-esque hotel. Found out very intimately what Alpha 1 Antitrypsin Deficiency is. Have had to figure out how to deal with the fact that my husband will need a liver transplant. Learned how to drain a daily chest catheter. (It’s like it gets dramatically depressing as the year went on.. yeah that’s pretty much right.)  Learned to fold origami stars.  Had more entire own room/office/studio space as an adult.
Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I started to keep them but fell off the wagon here and there. So I guess… partially? That’s somewhat better than not keeping them at all. I think I failed at the decluttering aspect though. I still have clothes in my closet that I suddenly form a close personal relationship with whenever I think of putting them a bag for donation… my bookmarks folder is still horrifying (why was I needing this article again?) and I look at everything else and feel overwhelmed.
This year I just want to LIVE. What do I mean by that? I mean I want to do the things I want to do without second guessing myself all the time. Post a poem on my tumblr? Who fucking cares what other people think. Take a picture that I like… fucking share that shit. Thinking about how I should sit down and work on a craft project or make art work but get lazy and hop online instead? NO. Go do the shit that makes life worth living. I just wanna get down to the nitty gritty of things… do things, be things, quit worrying about it has any meaning besides happiness and creation.
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nah.
Did anyone close to you die?
Not a person but still someone special, my beloved Slinky kitty passed away at the beginning of the year.
What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Strength. I know I have done my best but I could do better. Breaking down isn’t always the best answer. It gets out the ugly sometimes, but it isn’t what is best for myself or the people around me.
What date(s) from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

  • The day we moved into our current house because it was yet another moving experience to a place that was an upgrade. That and moving is always quite the experience.
  • A beautiful experience my Ki and I shared shortly before all the scary stuff started.
  • The day Ki held me when I was upset and told me to never let anybody tell me that my dreams were stupid (I was having a bad day and just felt like what I wanted from life seemed silly).
  • The night/early morning Ki left for Boston, I just knew my life was about to change and not in a good way.
  • The day I heard my husband was hospitalized hundreds of miles away from me.
  • The day I heard my husband had liver damage.
  • The day I we received the news that my husband had Alpha 1.
  • The day we were told he would need a liver transplant.
  • The night he woke me up to drive him to the hospital, which led to the chest tube.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Passing my public speaking course and not running away from what scared me even though I felt physically ill from it sometimes.
And giving a really awesome presentation without the use of notes, mostly off the top of my head to my painting class and I spent only about a day preparing.
What was your biggest failure?
When I chose to focus on my weaknesses rather than have faith and just trust. At times I chose to become my weaknesses and let them overtake me completely.
Did you suffer illness or injury?
I was in the ER at the beginning of the year for what I now assume to be a burst ovarian cyst. Other than that I have had a pretty healthy year. Every year I seem to gain more and more immunity back which I had previously lost clear back in 06 thanks to having mono (it literally took years to not get every single illness there was to get or have below average stamina).
What was the best thing you bought?

  • My Samsung Galaxy S4. It’s kind of funny b/c I started off last year with a new phone and it turned out to be a piece of shit. After having to have it replaced like 4 times we got gangster with the phone company and they allowed me to get a new model. It is seriously like a tiny computer I can take with me.  I love it.
  • My Samsung Galaxy Tab 2.  I actually got this before my phone and if I had gotten the phone first I probably would have skipped the tablet altogether but this came first so I decided to keep it.  I spent some gift cards I had been saving forever on it.  I use it for reading books on more than anything probably but it is still a nice buy for a variety of reasons.  Although I do sort of wish I would have just waited since the Tab 3 came out this year and it is a bit faster than 2.
  • Batman Arkham Origins for PS3… I’m currently playing a Game Plus… it has been well worth the money and I personally love the story.
  • Tarte LipSurgence holiday mini set… because every damn year I miss the gift set and this year I actually got one so that pleased me.  And it came with like 8 different colors so I think I finally have the LipSurgence thing out of my system.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mom for trying to make me feel better during my frequent breakdowns.  It’s odd because I know when it comes to dealing with stuff when it happens to her personally, she is like me, really bad at it.  But when it comes to being a support person… she really tries.  Perhaps we are more alike than I know.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My sister said some really really shitty things when she herself didn’t know how to respond when all the clusterfuck that has been the last half of this year happened.  She was trying to help but she doesn’t seem to have the empathy needed to deal with this kind of stuff so I have learned that she is not the person to go to with emotional stuff.  It’s okay I guess, I mean some people just aren’t good at dealing with some of that stuff so you find people in your life that are better at helping you through it.  I guess it taught me about the balance of the people you have in your life.. you have people who can help you emotionally through stuff, you have people who help you more logically through stuff… that kind of thing.
Where did most of your money go?

That stuff you  need to keep you alive…does that ever change?
What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Well I was excited to start a family for the 3 weeks that it was actually a possibility this year.  Now I wish more than anything I would have never known that excitement, but what can you do.
What song(s) will always remind you of 2013?

  • Kendrick Lamar–Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe
  • J. Cole– Crooked Smile
  • Ariana Grande– The Way
  • J. Cole ft Nas– Let Nas Down remix
  • J. Cole– Power Trip
  • Eminem– Legacy
  • Lupe Fiasco– Old School Love
  • Justin Timberlake– Mirrors
  • TLC– Meant to Be
  • Eve, Missy Elliot, & Nacho– Wannabe
  • Ciara– Body Party
  • Kendrick Lamar– Poetic Justice
  • 2 Chainz– I’m Different

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?

Sadder for obvious reasons.
ii. Thinner or fatter?

Thinner for a change.  I lost almost 30 lbs this year but I have about 30 more to go if I want to reach my goal.
iii. richer or poorer?

We have been much better off financially this year than any previous years but of course that was thanks to Ki… and with his illness who the hell knows how we will be doing next year.  I try not to get attached to money because it comes and it goes and you just never really know what you situation might be.  It was nice to experience a more comfortable living situation but it’s like fuuuuuck no use in getting comfortable with that because who the hell knows what happens next.
What do you wish you’d done more of?

Enjoying every little moment of life and not dwelling on the past or future.
What do you wish you’d done less of?

Procrastinating or just being straight up lazy and not doing things I wanted/needed to do.
How will you be spending Christmas?

Spent Christmas at home.  Slept in.  Opened presents later in the evening and had Christmas dinner.
What was your favorite TV program?

Adventure Time (i do not give a single fuck that i will be turning 30 this year.)
What was the best book you read?

  • The Evolution of God by Robert Wright
  • The Case for God by Karen Armstrong
  • Quantum Healing by Deepak Chopra
  • Breathing Space by Katrina Repka
  • Happiness by Matthieu Ricard
  • Awakening from Grief by John Welshons
  • Life of Pi by Yann Martel

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Ummmmmmmmmmm… yeah I don’t know.
What did you want and get?

A lot of material stuff but it don’t really mean shit.  Maybe earlier this year I would have cared but now it doesn’t mean much to me.
What was your favorite film of this year?

I really haven’t watched any movies this year… I don’t watch tv or movies much at all so yeah there’s that.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I made myself a pretty awesome cake which had an even awesomer candle on it.  I am currently experiencing the last year of my 20s.  Bah.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

Well for the first half I was painting a lot so once again I didn’t get to dress up when I went to classes because it would never fail that I would try to wear something nice and end up with oil paint on it so I gave up.  I finally gave skinny jeans a chance this year and guess what, umm I really really like them.  All those years talking shit about them.  I haven’t worn regular jeans since I found a brand of skinny ones I really like and proceeded to buy a pair in every wash they had.  I’ve really tried to acquire more fashion forward stuff… I love, love, love fashion I just find affording stuff I like difficult.  I’ve tried to remember to wear my jewelry more.  And learn how to do different things with my makeup and hair.
What kept you sane?

Painting and writing and meditating and praying.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I can’t really think of any…
What political issue stirred you the most?

The WTFness that is the American government riles me from my core.  And the whole healthcare thing… yeah.  Can we just stop debating it please?  Hopefully we can continue making advancements forwards and improve upon the improvements that have been made.
Who did you miss?

I miss the old me in the sense of the girl who never thought that this could be her life.. never even imagined it.  The girl who was hopeful.  The girl who was looking forward to the future.  The girl who wasn’t 1000% done. The girl who wasn’t losing the will to fight for herself.
Who was the best new person you met?

The women in my painting class were phenomenal… smart… funny.  They ranged in age from 20ish to their 60s and they were all amazing.  Spending 16 weeks with them was such a rewarding experience and made me really love what a community of women could be about.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013:

Not a damn thing in life is promised let alone guaranteed.  You have absolutely no idea what could happen tomorrow.  If you’re going to sleep at night with big regrets you are doing it wrong.  Say what you need to say.  Do what you need to do.  Love yourself.  Love other people.  Make sure they know you love and appreciate them always.  Practice compassion.

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Aside

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Paula Kaye
    Jan 02, 2014 @ 05:55:50

    I love this idea….I plan to steal it and use it on my blog…with my own answers, of course. I hope your 2014 is good to you and your husband

    Smidgens, Snippets, & Bits

    Reply

  2. sennalyn
    Jan 02, 2014 @ 07:34:46

    Oh, I totally forgot about this meme this year – will have to do it late! I LOVE your resolution for 2014 – simple, pure and perfect! Cheers!

    Reply

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